If you missed my Anchorman reference, shame on you. It truly is a classic!  But I’m not referring to having a party in my pants, as awesome as that sounds, I’m talking about the seven goddamned LuLaRoe party invites I get on Facebook each and every week.  Every mom in my hood has been invited to this new age “pants party” where your host has a pop-up-shop, aka, racks upon racks of cheap clothes in their family room for you to peruse, try on, and ultimately purchase.  These items range from $25-$60 and they all have a women’s name associated with them.  Then when you come out of the broom closet/dressing room, your friends ooh and ahh over how great your “Randy” looks and discuss the differences between “one size” and “tall and curvy” and how that print would look so great paired with a “Cassidy”.  Oh Jesus Christ, the fact that a size 0-10 can wear the same pants is an alarm bell if I ever heard one. I’m trying my hardest to deplete my wardrobe of over-sized, neon color garments, not add to the collection.

I’m so excited to bring wine to your house so you can sell me cheap pants. Said. No-one. Ever.

I find it comical that women will flock to these get-togethers and spend a ton of money. Watching your neighbors all fall for wearing these ugly-ass “butter-soft” pants is reminiscent of Edward Scissorhands where the ladies in the hood allowed a creature from an abandoned castle to give them all the same crazy haircut. Disguising a party as a way to sell shit to your friends is low, but selling them these awful garments is just plain cruel.  I can’t go to the bus stop without seeing all my neighbors in leggings sporting prints with umbrellas, chili peppers and macaroons and pairing them with a baseball jersey top.  Oy, someone please get a group subscription to In-Style and stop this madness.

I blame president douche-face. He keeps telling us all how great the economy is and how he is so “good for business” (I hope you read that and heard Alec Baldwin).  Ever since he was “elected”, I have gotten at least two invites per week from my friends peddling make-up, skin care, freezer meals, energy supplements, and PANTS….lots and lots of pants. Suddenly it’s 2007 again and the new Lia Sophia is PANTS!

My solution; just say no. Not to drugs, but to pants parties.  I am still a proponent of getting together to drink wine, as well as having a party in my pants, but disguising a get-together with all your female friends in an effort to get a free pair of shitty leggings for yourself…let’s put an end to this fad.

Now, a party where we get together, drink, and talk smack about our husbands…I RSVP YES!


Mom of two girls

This author is publishing anonymously. 

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