I Have Kids And I Think It’s Selfish to Have an Adult-Only Wedding says Chaunie Bruise on YourTango. I’m sorry, what? Let me get this straight. You are complaining, with a passion, about choices another couple makes about their wedding? Their wedding.


That’s not how it works, sister. A wedding is for the bride and groom.

Many also feel it’s for family, but some struggle with demands of mothers, mothers-in-law and other various relatives. I did none of that. I know, I am so selfish. I actually felt that it was up to me and my fiancé to make decisions about our special day. We took family into consideration regarding travel, accommodations, etc.

We’re not Ayn Rand devotees, after all.

However, we did not consider whether our guests might have needed a babysitter, to buy us a gift, or to wear tulle. We allowed kids at our wedding, and that was our choice, but so was the music, the cake, the food and fucking everything. You know why? Because it was our wedding.

First, this shouldn’t be news, but weddings come with RSVP cards – and by the way, for those who do not RSVP, you have a special place in hell, with all the other non-RSVP’ers. And there are no snacks, and no cocktails for you. Because you didn’t RSVP. No one knew you were coming. Now rot, because that’s selfish. 

For the author who claims future newlyweds demand they go on a “horrendously expensive date” what with the sitter, a gift, and blah blah freaking blah. Guess what? There is an option to say “No, I will not attend.” You don’t need to explain: “You are so selfish for not allowing my snotty nosed kids, they’ve only had these colds for a week, and we really don’t want to pay for a sitter.” You can keep that shit to yourself. Just politely check the “no” box, return the card in a timely fashion and boom, you are done.

Yes, it’s true, babysitters are expensive. I have kids who need sitters when I go out. It’s part of the deal. You’re a parent. But you can’t take your kids everywhere, like to bars, or adult-only events like some weddings. You get to decide when to get a sitter; which events to attend, and which to skip. But don’t put it on the host. They didn’t make your babies, you did.

Additionally, if money is an issue, ask a friend or relative to help. Arrange a sleepover for your kids. Join a babysitting co-op. If you really want to share your friend’s special day, just figure it out and quit bitching about the cost. This is not about you and other parents of young children. The bride and groom have not inconvenienced you by, sigh, asking you to celebrate their joyous day.

Because, contrary to what you claim, a wedding is not a wedding is not a wedding. Every wedding is special to the bride and groom and if they invited you, they (for some unknown reason after reading this article) think you’re special. And you clearly feel pretty special too; this comment is simply the epitome of entitlement:

“I know you think that you might be doing us a favour by giving us a “night out,” but that’s not really the case when $100+ could buy me a whole lot of date night elsewhere.”

Then go elsewhere. Please, for the love of tulle and buttercream frosting, go elsewhere and don’t let the church door hit you in the ass on the way out. I don’t recall ever, for a second, thinking “my friends are going to love this favor of a ‘night out.’”

No, I thought, these are special people in my life and I want them to share this day. My fiancé felt the same.

We had a small wedding, we didn’t spend a lot of money, and we were very thoughtful about the details. We did not go to Weddings R’ Us and say “Give us a #8 but hold the hard liquor, that shit doesn’t pay for itself.”

No, we spent time and effort deciding on the food, the music, the venue, and most importantly, the guest list. We wanted to be around people who loved us, not begrudging attendees grumbling under their breath “I could have gone to Olive Garden with my kids and saved $100 on a sitter and that stupid crystal vase. Selfish in-love-marrying-types. How dare they?”

And as for this little nugget: “And is it just me or do kids sometimes make the party?”

Um, it’s just you.

Sure kids can be cute, fun and uninhibited on the dance floor. For five minutes. They also throw tantrums, cry during ceremonies, and act like kids. Kids who are uncomfortable in ill-fitting dress clothes, forced to sit still for longer than ten minutes or eat food they don’t like.

We had kids at our wedding, and it was fun, for us, but we did not have a kids’ menu. There were no PB&J or grilled cheese options. Your kids don’t like chicken satay or pasta with pesto? Chocolate ganache with fresh raspberries and buttercream is not their idea of cake? Tough shit. It’s not your wedding!

Kids don’t “make” the party. The hosts make the party. Your two drink minimum is not the host’s concern. Neither is your babysitter issue or your sense of entitlement.

It’s their wedding. If you don’t like the plan, please, don’t go.

And don’t bother with a gift, your non-attendance will be gift enough.


Jenny Kanevsky is the author of the mystery Chosen Quarry and a copywriter and content marketing provider. Visit her site jennykanevsky.com She is also an editor at The Good Men Project and a contributor at Huffington Post . She lives in Austin, Texas.


  1. Hahahaha~you tell ’em! Ridiculous. “Kids make the wedding.” Obviously, these people don’t get out much without their kids!

  2. There aren’t words for how much I love this post. I went back and read the original article and was astounded by the entitlement. “For couples that have kids, an adult-only wedding is a painful decision-making process that includes weighing the cost of a babysitter with the most special night of your lives, which is just another weekend in ours.” — Well then, by all means. Every couple you know should shift THE ADMITTEDLY MOST SPECIAL NIGHT OF THEIR LIVES for “just another weekend” in yours, because heaven forbid you be inconvenienced.

    “And don’t bother with a gift, your non-attendance will be gift enough.”
    I am probably a jerk for wanting to include a link to your post in my own wedding invite, but this is what I want to tell any person who would have the audacity to tell ME that my kid-free wedding is selfish.

    • By all means, post the link to my article in your wedding invite ;). So glad you liked this. I was dumbfounded by her article.

  3. Love it. I too had kids at my wedding, but completely understand when others don’t. Great post!

  4. lol. I so agree with you, Jenny! I would rather someone say “NO” then have them bitch their way to my wedding. If you are attending a wedding, do it because you want to be there to celebrate with those who are getting married. And, do it THEIR WAY with a smile on your face! Otherwise, skip it and spare everyone the trouble.

  5. Tokeshia Schroeder Reply

    Amen! Some people are just never happy. I had someone complain that there was too much food and they thought my speciality cocktails were too much like college drinks. Well then stop stuffing your face from my sweets table and pick one of the millions of other drink options from the premium open bar I’m paying for.

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