What kind of mom are you? What kind of mom was your mom? What kind of mom do you strive to be? Just for a minute, let’s poke a little fun at what we all bring to the “Mom Buffet.”
Skinny Minnie Master Mom
You know her, you just saw her at the gym. She climbed the stair master for an hour without breaking a sweat. She is the room mother, makes homemade almond milk, wrote a novel in her spare time and keeps an immaculate home, all the while maintaining a perfect smile.
To this mother, I offer a glass of wine. Wait, she already has her personal blend fermenting in her workshop and she will serve it you in a hand-blown glass. This mom makes me tired just thinking about her.
Namaste. Zen Mom is unshakable. Her patience is seemingly unending. Kids running around the grocery store, they are just being “explorers.” Marker all over her freshly painted wall, she always wanted to make a mural there, anyway. Kids refuse to leave the park, that’s ok, it’s always fun to watch the fireflies come out. And when Zen Mom watches a non-Zen Mom meltdown, she will tell her about the amazing hot yoga class just around the corner. That class fixes everything.
To Zen Mom I say “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!”
When I meet Cool Mom I’m reminded of Amy Poehler bringing drinks to some “Mean Girls,” while clad in a pink running suit. “Cool Mom” is the kid-crowd pleaser. She herself was likely raised by majorly Uncool Mom and vowed to never be that person. She takes the kids to all of the best concerts, lets them drink pop (that’s what we call soda in the Midwest) and blasts Third Eye Blind’s “Semi-Charmed Life” in her open-air Jeep Wrangler.
All I can say to Cool Mom is kudos to you. And, if your 3rd grader ever needs to borrow a ruler at 11pm on a Tuesday, I’m just a phone call away.
Overly Cautions Mom
“Careful!” “Stop!” “Not Safe!” “Don’t jump off that roof!” Ok, that last one might not apply. Overly Cautios Mom’s kids probably wouldn’t get to the top of a roof before she freaked out and dragged them down. While the other moms sit at the playground chatting, playing on their phones or, sometimes, even sleeping, Overly Cautious Mom is on high alert. She is helping a 5 year-old down from a tree, making sure your kid doesn’t get a shoe to the face by walking in front of her kid’s swing, and possibly judging the Cool Moms, just a little.
Chances are this mom’s family tree is comprised of similarly paranoid relatives. I know this category well and escaping it is nearly impossible.
Nurturing Mom is just so sweet. She was always vocal about her breastfeeding habits, co-sleeping was, and possibly still is, her status quo, and she never raises her voice above what I consider a whisper. Nurturing Mom has all of the books on raising a “spirited” child. She lovingly sews her daughter’s clothing out of organic fibers. And, when her kids leave the nest, these clothes will become a handmade quilt to keep them warm at night.
Oh Nurturing Mom, you make me feel like a failure – like a really loud, quick-tempered, solo-sleeping failure.
Everything is Awesome Mom
Children are a gift. We love their smushy little baby faces and the half asleep “I love you, Mama” we get when we bring them in from a car-induced nap. We are so lucky to have them. While we all think these thoughts every day, Everything is Awesome Mom expresses these thoughts aloud, usually every hour. She counts the days until Summer Break begins and sobs when school starts up again. She takes her 2-year-old twins camping and gets stuck with a leaky tent in pouring rain while effortlessly dealing with an outbreak of hand, foot and mouth disease. But, the trip is still amazing! An adventure! They’ve already reserved the campsite for next year!
These moms can get a bad rap; some might even say they are delusional. But, Everything is Awesome Mom reminds us all to find the fun in the everyday, even if the fun is sandwiched between a public tantrum and a rousing game of “let’s say the one thing that drives mommy crazy,” over and over and over again.
Truth be told, we’ve each been all of these women at some point in our mom career. We are all a Mom Buffet. When our kids approach the figurative buffet table, they get the specific mom-style they want at the moment they need it.
The buffet options change daily and we will never stop serving up exactly what they ask for, which is exactly what they need. So let’s embrace our quirks, our idiosyncrasies and yes, our delusions and celebrate our own personal version of the Mom Buffet.
Lisa is a “retired” attorney, now stay-at-home mom of two young children. She is a regular freelance contributor for West Michigan Woman Magazine.