This is a repost of one of our TOP 10 BLUNTmoms articles! We wanted to share it with you AGAIN cause we love it!
Pssst…you. Yah…you. The one with the face. That’s right…you. I just wanted to let you know that your kid is an asshole.
I know, I know…it’s completely un-PC to be calling someone else’s kid an asshole…but your kid totally is.
How do I know? Because I’ve been watching him. I know you have been too, because we’ve talked about the extremely cute sweater he is wearing. But you don’t seem to notice that he has been trying to encourage all the other kids in the playground to join in on his asshole tendencies. Or maybe you have noticed and are just choosing not to…wait a minute…
I’m sorry…I apologize… I was wrong. Your kid isn’t the asshole. You are.
I understand getting distracted in the playground. I do it myself. I have caught myself being completely engaged with my phone when I should have been engaging with my kid. I have found myself closing my eyes to get a nap (okay, I only did that once, but I was really tired). I get it. But the issue isn’t being distracted. The issue is that your kid thinks its okay to be an asshole. Your kid thinks it’s acceptable to push other kids over, throw rocks, bud in line or make that HORRIBLE ‘Nyah nyah nyah’ sound when making fun of someone else. He thinks its okay to tell other kids to push kids over, throw rocks, bud in line and make that REALLY HORRIBLE ‘Nyah nyah nyah’ sound. He thinks it’s okay because you see him doing it and you don’t say anything. And you need to…right now.
To quote the great Dennis Leary:
“Racism isn’t born folks. It’s taught. I have a two year old son. Know what he hates? Naps. End of list”
You can replace ‘assholeism’ with racism and you’ll get the picture.
Take a stand parent. Tell your kid what she’s doing isn’t right and show her how to do something that is. Do it now. Not when he’s five, or seven or eleven. Right. Now. Teach him tolerance and kindness…and yes, boldness and braveness. There is nothing wrong with being bold, and brave and large and in charge…just don’t be it at the expense of someone else. Be a role model. Don’t be apathetic and absent. Your kid inciting playground riots isn’t a sign of your kid being a leader. It’s a sign that your kid is a jerk. Your kid getting other kids to do things they aren’t allowed to do, isn’t a sign that your kid is persuasive. It’s a sign that your kid’s an asshole. Your kid pushing another kid out of the way to get what she wants, isn’t a sign that she is spirited. It’s a sign that your kid is a bully.
I’m not saying kids won’t be mean to each other sometimes and go too far and tussle and play dodge ball. I fucking love dodge ball. And gravel in playgrounds. And metal slides. I’m all for letting kids be kids and be bruised, battered and dirty after playing hard. That’s part of growing up. And I agree kids need to learn to deal with things and stand up for themselves …but there is a difference between being a kid and consistent assholeish behavior. That’s what I’m talking about.
We’re all capable of having a kid who is an asshole. It’s not just bigots and racists and rednecks and jerks that have kids who are bullies. Nice, normal…even lovely people can have kids who are assholes. Organic food eating, paraben free all natural families can have kids that are bullies. They just need to see it happening…and make it stop.
There is a scene in This Is 40 (SPOILER ALERT) where Leslie Mann loses her nut on a 13 year old boy for saying mean things about her daughter. Leslie Mann becomes Tiger Mom, The Rock and Chris Matthews all rolled into one. She is vitriolic, nasty and downright horrible to this child. It went way too far.
I would totally do that.
My kid will feel safe wherever he is. In the playground, in his home, in school. He will not be bullied by your asshole child. But I won’t be yelling at your kid if that happens…I’ll be yelling at you.
And I’m way meaner than Leslie Mann…
Erin Jeffery is a proud mom of ONE. Just one. And she’ll kick ass and take names for him all day long.
23 Comments
LOVE this post, EJ!
I totally agree. I told the mom of a 6 year old outright that her kid was a bully and she said, “What do the other kids expect if they corner him?” When I told her that I had seen him bullying other kids (including my kid), she just denied it. When I told her one of the other moms had video footage of her son pushing kids off the slide (on Activity Day), she huffed, stormed off and ignored me for a year. But the school has a zero tolerance policy for bullying and his teachers kept sending him to the office, so he’s gradually improved. Now, our kids are eight, and she just finally saying hello to me again, warily.
Some parents just don’t want to hear it.
exactly, same thing happened to mine, the school claims to have a zero tolerance policy but thats a bunch of crap… The bullying ended when I threatened the school…
I love this. Thank you Erin. You should put this up at Kinder Cafe.
Great article. Totally resonated with it.
Unfortunately, those of us with children who are not assholes are the only ones who can recognize the assholes. You know that cliche “it takes one to know one”? Why does it not apply to the asshole parents of asshol children?
Glad to
We, chubby fingers…
Glad to see your fierce writing again, Erin.
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well done…(clapping) well done.
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Well said! Everyone’s kid can be an asshole from time to time, and it’s our responsibility to make sure they don’t make it a habit.
Holy moley I needed this tonight! My sister in law posted to her FB page an article that stated “If my kids are assholes, tell me”. Um…We did. For four days we told you by telling your 4 year old that teasing and calling her 3 year old cousins names to the point of tears was MEAN, that excluding your cousins is mean, that tackling your older cousins isn’t ok, that crying and whining when the others didn’t do what you wanted wasn’t the way we do things. We told you by making sure the 1 year old you weren’t parenting wasn’t falling off the rocking chair he was bouncing on, by telling him hitting isn’t nice, and by actually SUPERVISING them. So done with her. Maybe I should post a link to this article…
I’m laughing for more than one reason.
1) I use to be this person. My first born was was and still is amazing to parent.
2) My second child can along, and I stopped judging quickly. She came out of the womb an asshole. That is not an exaggeration.
Best!
yes , kids are asshole because their parents let them be!
Awesome article! Loved every word! My wife’s daughter is an asshole to other people. I’ve tried to tell her over and over with no results. It’s always my fault. I have blamed my wife for being the asshole for never correcting her asshole daughter! That usually doesn’t go over very well!
LOVE this post.
Your kid is going to get their ass kicked constantly.
Seriously. If your kid is such a wimp that they cant figure out what to do if they are pushed or someone is throwing rocks at them–then your kid really has no hope.
You should probably just give up now and send the kid to a home. Because they are going to end up being one of those special snowflakes that tells everyone they are allergic to “tree nuts and gluten because of vaccinations and global warming.”
Seriously–you are a special kind of libtard!
Oh honey, when they were giving out empathy, you were in the line up to receive your cold dead heart. I am so sad for you that you think it is ok to call children wimpy, that says more about you than anything.
You are exactly what the thinking people of the world see as a dullard and a goon. I hope for your sake that you never fully grasp your own faults and see yourself the way the progressive world does, you would fall into a pit of humiliation and regret.
Now you just run along, there is no place for your brand of cave thinking here.
And you apparently are allergic to class and decency and in need of a good ass kicking yourself. Speaking of people with no hope–that would be you. Hopeless and lost. Get off this page. Get off your high horse. Just go.
Oh what do you know?
On second thought, you’re right.
Smirk…this isn’t your home, cupcake. What are you going to do if they don’t, call the police?
You can’t seem to make up your mind.