I can not tell a lie (lie) I love using colloquialisms.
They make you sound clever and witty. Sometimes as smart as a book, sometimes as sharp as a tack and tacks are sharp. That’s their purpose. I love something that does it’s intended job.
And so goes the cliché phrase; the one that leaves everyone within ear shot deciding you are the “cat’s meow for Pete’s sake” even though no one knows Pete and wouldn’t recognize his momma if the sun spit in her face.
See?
BOOM!
But butbutbut there are several that are just dumb. In fact, when I hear them uttered, I usually check the person who’s uttered them off my list (Because I keep a list).
In this spirit I’d like to explore a few of my pet peeves (Yes, in addition to cats I keep peeves) and what they really mean.
You know the ‘old’ saying…
- Keep your friends close and your enemies closer? Who the hell would do that?
- Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Not really. It’s sweet but not true.
- No pain, no gain. From every scientific piece of evidence I’ve ever studied this is in fact the opposite of true.
- Being a second banana. You’re a banana for using a fruit-based pun.
- Wet behind the ears. What am I missing here? Is there a time in life when one can assume another is moist in strange places? And if so, please see a doctor.
- Dead as a doornail, because we all know that doornails begin life as living organisms.
- Soup to nuts. Are we talking awesome cafeteria style food here? I don’t get ‘it’.
- Being a fair weather friend– which pretty much means you’re going to be very lonely the other 150 days of the year when it rains.
- You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. Actually, I’m good with just calling Sven.
- A rose by any other name would smell so sweet. I’ve heard this, read this, and taken it to the bank to get a loan and I still believe with my Spidey olfactory sense that a rose smells unique, but is not the only heady smell given forth from the garden of Eden. Am I being too literal or was Will stretching with this one?
- Nice guys finish last. Oh yea. ‘Cause THAT’S the world I want to live in. Idiots.
- Nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof. I think anyone would be uncomfortable on a hot tin roof, least of which would be a cat who could easily jump off- though I do love the Tennessee Williams play. I guess I’ll let it pass for great drama- and Paul Newman.
- Sitting in the catbird seat. What is this mysterious seat and how can I get one?
- And lastly, Don’t let the door kick you in the ass on the way out.
Actually…
That one’s good to go.
(This post originally ran on A Pleasant House.)