1. I Don’t Believe in Science
People have been telling me, like forever, that Science is real. And I’m just like, how do you know? Haven’t you seen The Matrix? Things aren’t always what they seem.
They put vaccinations in needles. They put heroin in needles. I don’t want my kid becoming a junkie.
I heard vaccinations give kids Artism. Artists don’t make shit when they get older. I want my kids to be able to earn a decent living. There’s no way in hell I’m giving them a shot that leads to Artism.
It’s NUNYA business what I do with my kids. Except for my daily posts on facebook about them, their friends, their teachers, their eating habits, their behavior, their fashion, their love life, their education…
5. Wimpy Kids
Giving my kid a vaccination is just going to make them into a huge wimp. We shouldn’t protect them from everything. I mean, if my kid can’t survive Hepatitis, Rotavirus, Diphtheria, Tetanus, Pertussis, Measles, Mumps, Rubella, Polio and HPV on their own…then what are they EVER going to do for themselves?
6. Computer Chips
My friend Ashley told my friend Kelly that told my husband Chad that they put computer chips in the vaccinations so they can track our kids. That’s so stupid. That’s what iPhones are for.
(This post originally ran on BrandiDunagan.com.)
About the author: Brandi is a Texas based humorist that self identifies as “Moderately Funny & Majorly Disturbed.” Catch her on her purging inappropriateness on her blog on confusing us all with her podcast Candy Cigarettes.
Brilliant! Comedic gold. Great post.
Oh I can’t even! LOL.
#4 is the best! 😀
I saw the title and I was like wha?? So glad it’s not what I thought. And it’s funny to boot!
I alomst had a heart attack from the title but calmed down by the time I got to #2. Love this!
This is a terrible, terrible post. Not only is it to offensive to the millions of parents who don’t vaccinate their children, but it’s not even slightly funny or well written. Horrible choice on this one.
On the scale of offensiveness, let me reassure you that we have many worse offenders….but I can’t think of any that top parents who willfully choose to not vaccinate their children because they are ill-informed or uneducated. Guess we’ll let this post stand.