If you have had a kid and can honestly say that you never looked at your child’s onesie with envy, I will call you a liar. Do you have any idea how much I would rock a onesie?
Work with me here people….I love my yoga pants as much as the next WASPy mother of toddlers, but sometimes even they get tight. I’d like to say that this only happens at certain times of the month, but the reality is that it is more closely aligned with markdowns in the bakery than lunar phases. There is nothing worse (and I speak from experience) than having a muffin top on your yoga pants.
Picturing myself in my kid’s onesie in a size
XL er.. small, I know I would get some serious catcalls on the playground. Can you imagine it? I am pretty sure that all of the other mommies would fall down and start chanting “We are not worthy”. Heck, they would probably go so far as to share booze from their trusty hip flasks in celebration of the tearing down of the onesie barrier.
I’m sure that in less than a week, all of my mommy friends would be rocking the onesie. We would be high-fiving each other in the grocery store, and you know we would be pulling the zips way down low on our Mom’s nights out. Pair it with a skinny belt and some platforms and we’d be the stars of the PTA meeting.
You are probably all thinking that I’ve forgotten one main constituency group here: the partners. But that is where you are wrong. What red-blooded man (or woman or whatever) wouldn’t get hot and bothered over the thought of pulling that zipper on down and having their way with us? Maybe we are commando….maybe we’ve got on a hot thong….whatever they can imagine. (Just don’t make the mistake of letting on that you are really wearing a pair of granny panties and a maternity bra in dishwater gray.)
By now you are probably wondering what is holding us back from wearing a onesie? Well, I’ll tell you. It is because up until today, the only ones I could find were in the costume aisle at Walmart. SpongeBobSquarePants? I don’t need any extra reminders of the shape of my butt.
But today, today I found the holy grail. A onesie that actually looks like clothes. Real clothes. How cute is this adorable and totally comfy looking onesie from House of Hygge? The bright colour says watch out world, here I come. The hoodies is perfect for playground drizzles. And the smiley on the butt, well that says that I have some serious sass (and ass, but I digress).
I NEED this onesie. I need it like a man needs water in the desert (okay, that might be an exaggeration…but not by much). Can someone pretty please get this for me?
Check out House Of Hygge of Facebook, and tell them how hot you are for a onesie on their twitter feed. I mean, if anyone will “get” you.. they will!
BLUNTmoms is super excited to be working with the House Of Hygge for live event sponsorship. Yes, that DOES me we will all be wearing jammies to conferences. Cool eh!
These are just wrong on so many levels.