“Get the hell out of her vagina!” are the words that came to mind when I read what is some of the most offensive garbage I’ve ever seen.
My response to a post by Christian blogger Larry Solomon was visceral and deep; his chauvinistic and damaging ideals had left me reeling. I tossed and turned, unable to sleep, just knowing that this guy was out there spewing drivel, and I was even more bothered by the prospect that impressionable people were reading his words.
If you haven’t heard, Soloman is the voice behind BiblicalGenderRoles.com where he sprinkles vile tidbits of fucked-up wisdom for “Christian” minded folk. Recently he wrote How a husband can enjoy sex that is grudgingly given by his wife, which was written in response to a young husband’s concern over his wife’s apparent loss of sexual interest. It seems his wife had been “grudgingly” allowing him to have sex with her and he wasn’t comfortable with her apparent displeasure.
Solomon makes no secret about his stance on the topic of marital sex. In his eyes, it’s a wife’s duty to say “yes” to her spouse and choosing to refuse (without a valid reason like a death in the family) is a sin. He writes: “As I said in my post on “8 steps to confronting your wife’s sexual refusal” you as a husband should not tolerate refusal.”
So, ya, this is a person who clearly supports the degradation of women within marriage because even if her words say “yes” (as the obligated woman may) if every other ounce of her is exuding “NO” then any decent man would eject immediately.
Instead of saying to the young impressionable husband: “You’re right to feel uncomfortable. Hop out of her vagina, son, she’s clearly not into it,” or “Why not choke the chicken every once in awhile if your wife’s not into sex as often as you are?” Oh, wait. I forgot that’d be a sin too, right? So, instead of sinning into your palm and going straight to hell, you put all of your sexual needs and desires into the vagina of a woman who (at that moment) doesn’t want you in there.
Yes, this is what Solomon, advises. He tells the husband to simply plod on and insists that if he doesn’t he’ll be at risk of losing connection with his wife and, heaven forbid, the arrival of the dreaded temptation. Solomon writes: “You also need to realize that whether your wife knows it or not she needs to have sex too. Your marriage needs sex at regular intervals. If you don’t have sex with your wife at regular intervals, even sometimes when she is not in the mood but consents anyway, you will open yourself to temptation. You will find yourself becoming distant from your wife, because this is the primary way that you as man feel closeness with your wife.”
WTF?! Solomon! You’re taking a man who is clearly concerned for the state of his relationship and you’re making it worse. Instead of saying, “Sexual desire cannot be scheduled nor expected all the time! Ebbs and flows, buddy, ebbs and flows” or suggesting that there may be some underlying issues that need to be addressed, you’re advising him to detach himself from his wife’s emotional needs. You’re telling him to put her well-being aside, pretend that everything is ok, and take what is rightfully his. And you’re telling him that she may not know it but she needs it too?! No. Just NO! This is the married man’s version of: “If you loved me you would” and “No means yes” and the rest of those asshole words used to coerce and force women into unwanted sex. Detrimental words and notions like these carry a deep-rooted disrespect for women at their core.
Not only does Solomon suggest that sex must happen, even if she isn’t in the mood, he takes it even further by advising the husband not to look at his wife’s face while he is fucking her against her will. WHAT!?!
He writes: “Focus your eyes on her body, not her face. Focus on the visual pleasure you receive from looking at her body and physical pleasure you receive from being inside your wife. I know you love your wife, most of us as men love our wives. You want to connect with her physically AND emotionally during sex. But your wife is the one refusing to connect with you emotionally, you have to concentrate 100% on the physical side.”
So, Solomon, you are telling this guy to look away from his wife’s face (as she shows visible signs of discomfort) and focus on her body (which is equally unhappy about the unwanted invasion). And all with the purpose of not becoming distant from her? I can’t even get my head around this epic contradiction. How close and connected do you think a wife is feeling to her husband when she is laying there being fucked, out of duty, and he’s ignoring how she feels? I would guess repulsion and resentment are what that husband is seeing there on his wife’s face. And you are telling him to disregard all of the signs and forge ahead with what is essentially rape. You think that will connect the couple? You are completely delusional and a danger to those who are dim enough to listen to you.
The way I see it, Larry Solomon is encouraging people to become disconnected from themselves and each other. A man has more options than just a dick to keep him from growing distant from his wife. And a wife has more than a vagina as a means to stay connected to her husband. The true danger here is that people who listen to trash like Solomon has on offer, are becoming less and less capable of using their own minds and bodies to make choices. Because to follow his words is to follow a path away from your wife (and yourself) not towards her.
So, young husband who sought Solomon’s counsel, listen up: “Love your wife. Listen to her. And if she isn’t enjoying it, have enough respect for her and yourself to remove your penis and figure out why. And trust me when I say, if you can’t look at her face during sex, there’s a lot more at stake than your orgasm.”
1 Comment
AMEN!