Why I Chose To Have An Affair

I had been married for 18 years when I decided to have an affair. I fully understood the consequences that could (and did) arise from it, yet I chose it anyway. Yes, it was stupid. Yes, it was selfish. Yes, it affected many others than just myself.

It was so much fun.

This is not to justify my actions but here’s why I believe I did it.

I married way too young.

I was way too naive (think the Duggar daughters).

I was a virgin when I got married.

I never got the craziness of young adulthood out of my system.

I married to escape a bad home life.

I was stuck in a loveless marriage.

For years I wondered if my husband might be gay because he had no physical interest in me whatsoever.

My very close friend and family often commented our marriage resembled a business relationship and that our communication seemed more like partners rather than a married couple.

Strangely enough, my husband cheated on me after 6 years of marriage, but because I was so insecure about myself and dependent on him, I stayed in the marriage.

For years after, his behavior towards me would range from boredom, to condescending, to passive aggressive, to refusal to communicate. His outside friends and committments became so important that I quickly fell to the bottom rung of the ladder. Only when I started developing my own pursuits did he start to show any interest for fear of being left out. By then it was too late.

Needless to say when this guy I knew from work started flirting with me I jumped at the chance, knowing full well this could result in the end of my marriage. Funny thing is, I hoped it would.

What I learned about myself was life changing.

First, apparently I still had it. Someone wanted me, and while the relationship was purely physical, I felt desired for the first time in years. It was amazing.

I got in the best shape of my life. For the record, an affair will do that to you.

I discovered I deserved far better than my husband’s indifference towards me.

I grew a pair, meaning I started calling people out on their bullshit.

I became more assertive.

I started standing up for myself.

I took great pleasure in ending my affair because I wanted to have the last say. Plus, the guy was a total dick. Duh.

My mom told me that my affair was more than just having a stupid meaningless fling. It actually was the catalyst in revealing just how dysfunctional my marriage truly was. I was desperately trying to change the course of my future. While it is unfortunate I chose such a tragic way to do that, I came away knowing more about myself. I knew there was a power in me that had been squelched for years, causing me to live my life like I owed everyone an apology.

The last thing I am recommending is to go out and have a fling. Truly, it isn’t worth a crappy lay, or even a good lay for that matter. Obviously there are better ways in which someone can find out what they are made of, but often it takes a life changing event to reveal it.

At least it did for me.

This is what I know.

Our lives are too short to waste on unhealthy relationships.

Don’t settle for the bottom of the ladder.

You are worth so much more.

I hate that it took me 18 years to realize it, but I am continually thankful that at least I did find out.