Here I am, on the cusp of 50 and in the throes of parenting 3 girls ages 14, 13 and 11. If I’ve learned nothing else over the past 14 years it has been to stop judging and boy, do I owe my sister-in-law a BIG apology!
Back when I was engaged, my brother and his wife had 2 daughters aged 10 and 3 years old. They often missed family events, including all but the last 15 minutes of MY bridal shower because my niece had mandatory dance practice. “Really? Is she the next Mitzi Gaynor? She can’t miss a practice for her Only-Aunt-On-Her-Dad’s-Side bridal shower?” I swore to myself, my kids will never be so tightly scheduled that they miss family events.
Fast forward to today. My girls are so overscheduled that I fear Social Services may have a strong case against me. The girls change in the car while shuttling from one activity to the next. They do homework during breaks at dance. They certainly never get to bed before 10:00 P.M. and they miss most family events due to play practice, orchestra practice, mandatory dance rehearsals and dance competitions. I do not want to admit how many times I’ve mixed up the carpool, lost library books, switched backpacks, etc.
When my kids were toddlers, my youngest niece got a cell phone for her 11th birthday upon entry to middle school. I was aghast. “What in the world did an 11-year old need a phone for? Who was she calling?” My brother stepped in “Don’t be so quick to judge, Smarty Pants. You have 3 and you are outnumbered! You’ll see, it will be logistically impossible to track them without a phone. Look around, do you see a pay phone anywhere?” He was right, all of my kids got the latest iPhone when they turned 11, complete with internet capability and every app you can imagine. Why? They often are doing their homework in someone else’s car en route to an activity or during a ½ hour break between rehearsals. How else would they get access to their online textbooks if they didn’t have a phone? Duh?
These are all relatively minor parental growing pains. The one I feel most guilty over is the texting of one’s own children while we are all in the same house. I remember a certain Thanksgiving dinner when my sister-in-law commented on how she had given up fighting with her teenagers. She no longer raised her voice or engaged in arguments. She texted them. I thought, “Huh? What kind of a detached parent does that? How will they ever learn to be functioning adults if they can’t understand the nuances of ‘tone of voice’ and ‘inflection’?” Well, here I am eating a big ol’ piece of humble pie. I had started to become a screaming shrew over everyday things like dinner time, weather appropriate clothing and just plain old NO YOU CAN’T….fill in the blank. Texting is way, way easier. I don’t have to hear myself yelling and my husband no longer thinks I’m a raging loon. That’s the beauty of texting, you can’t hear the loud voice, the tone nor the subject of the conversation. Bonus, if they sass me back over texting, I’ll just turn off the WiFi, (gasp!) not really a tragedy in my world. Is it the “right” thing to do? Probably not. Am I contributing to my offspring’s inadequate communication skills? Maybe. What I can be sure of, my house is much quieter than it had been. It’s all about “Shalom in the Home”.
About the author: Laura Buchinsky is a part-time resume writer, fitness instructor and mother of 3 girls, ages 14, 13 and 11. Life is crazy, humor keeps her sane. Follow her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/laura.buchinsky.