Put down your pitch forks and delete that comment you started to type calling me a bully. Can’t we just have a mature, adult to adult conversation? I’m not saying that your kid is not smart. I’m not saying that your kid is not kind and innocent as all children should be. What I am saying is that I see you.
I see what you’ve done to your kid. I’ve seen how you’ve decided to soothe her with treats. I’ve seen how you’ve bribed her with cakes. I’ve seen how you make food the centre of all things good in her life. A good report card, cookies. Piano recital, ice cream. Summer holiday, chips. Shopping for new school clothes, pizza and pop.
I see how you make food the centre of all things bad in her life too. Feeling sad about your day at school, lets make cupcakes. Honey, your dad and me are getting a divorce, don’t be sad, lets make sundaes. It’s obvious to everyone around you that since you became sad and unhappy, your kid has ballooned. It would be terribly sad if we were just talking about how you’ve insulated yourself with the weight in order to hide from the things that make you feel, but when you put that on your kid? No! Just stop it right now. She didn’t divorce you. She didn’t abuse you or cheat on you or hit your or yell at you.
So this is the part where I tell you what no one else in your life is willing to…your kid is fat and it’s all your fault.
You and you alone. You decided what to shop for. You decide what to cook. You decide how you show love, excitement, encouragement, support and instead of giving them words, hugs and strength, you hide behind a child’s natural love of “fun food”. Today is the day. Stop hiding your emotions from your kid. Stop hiding from pain. Life hurts.
Today is the day you can start teaching your kid how to feel emotions and feelings without absorbing them into a pound cake. Teach her that food is not the answer to hurt feelings. Teach her that she is enough. Teach her that you are enough.
The alternative is that eventually your round overweight child is going to grow up and leave you despite all your best efforts to keep her as your crutch and when she does she will be angry. She will be angry at you because you didn’t teach her how to feel. She will be angry at you for all the years of cultivating a skewed sense of self worth and then she will continue to eat. And eat. And eat.
So now, this is the part where you tell your kid you’re sorry and you love her and you will get the help you need to make it right. You will tell her that she it’s not her fault. You will tell her that you will do everything you can to help her learn and cope and love. And that is something you can take credit for.
Getting healthy inside and out can and should be something that is your fault!
6 Comments
Phew! I’m so glad someone “stood up” and said something. And you’re right – we don’t let our kids feel anything anymore. From trophies to cake, it’s all about immediate happiness and not about failing or owning up to shortcomings. Therefore, our kids (and when I say “our kids” I mean America’s youth in general) get the trophy and a cupcake instead of working harder or dealing with and solving problems. I love that the discussion has started 🙂
I’m sorry, but this is just rude.
I agree that I think parents use food for too many things. And I also agree that we reward our kids too much.
I agree with Jamma and completely agree with this post!!!
I agree with Jamma and completely agree with this post!!!
I agree with this. We have such a short period of time where we fully control what goes into the children. We all see the kids who go to a sport event and their parents let them drink gatoraid, or pop (note the rotting teeth in the locker rooms?)
It isn’t even just about fatness, because that is misleading. There are plenty of kids it hasn’t caught up to yet, which is false comfort. Their pancreas is being strained when they drink a big pop and then load up with other sugar treats. They can’t focus and frankly become assholes without a layer of real food to absorb the crap they are being given.
We teach our kids to eat their emotions, or we teach them not to. We birthed them, and need to get real about our role in their nutrition intelligence.
This might also be an unpopular opinion, but you granola non-sugar moms are just as bad. It isolates the kids to never have the treats their friends do. If it is all in balance, and they don’t consider pop a food group, you are all good.
Sermon over….