Are you searching for the perfect summer locale to witness just how evil kids can really be? Are you curious as to just how oblivious parents are to their children’s terrible behavior? Head on over to your local swim club and be amazed!
It goes without saying, our family joined a swim club this year. I had an idyllic picture in my head. My family and the beautiful little children that I watch during the day, splashing in the water and giggling. All the while, I would be at ease, confident that back at home, my house wasn’t being destroyed.
Meanwhile in reality, although my house does remain unscathed from the wrath of five kids, I find myself, and only a handful of other parents, supervising about twenty other kids in the baby pool at the swim club.
Yes I am aware, as I’m sure you are too, that if your child is playing in the baby pool, the unwritten rule is that they should be supervised. I am also aware that some parents are offended by other people disciplining their children. Here’s the rub, people. If you’re not watching your kids, someone else is. And if that someone else is anything like me, you might not like the way I discipline your precious little prince when he acts like a perfect little prick.
Here are three of the most aggravating baby pool offenses, all of which I witnessed over the weekend.
We will start with the most benign, but still annoying offenders, older children playing in the baby pool. Is the name of the pool not self- explanatory? I get it. Sometimes older siblings need to be in the baby pool because one parent can’t be in two places at once. Can we all agree though, that a sixty pound second grader, who is thrashing like a seizure patient, within inches of a baby needs to be controlled? Is it too much to ask for the tween girls to play their weird mermaid game in the ‘big pool’? When a first grader “accidentally” shoots my two year old, at point blank range, in the eye with a water gun, I hope his parents aren’t shocked when he comes to them crying because I took his water gun and “accidentally” broke it.
Speaking of pool toys. Yes, there are some communal toys, mostly pool noodles, but there are also toys that families bring for their kids to play with. More than likely, no one minds sharing their rafts, tubes, or floats. I know I don’t. But when a child is trying to shove ten pounds of shit into a five pound sack with two of his friends and my tube is about to pop, I am going to ask for it back. While I’m in the process of asking for it back, I am going to school said kid on what a disrespectful, inconsiderate little shit he is.
Finally, the coup de grace. If a child is a budding sociopath, why not just keep him home, mm’k? I actually witnessed a child (the same little sonofabitch that was psychotically destructive with our tube) hold another child’s head under water. The mother of the poor kid who was nearly drowned got into the water and picked him up before I could get over to them and despite the completely warranted screams of fury, she handled it with restraint. Had it been one of my kids, I would’ve ended up needing bail money.
You think I was too harsh, right? Calling kids ‘little pricks’ and ‘assholes’. I really am mean. But all weekend I kept trying to figure out how is it that these kids are so inconsiderate and disrespectful. I realize now that the answer is not any more sophisticated than, ‘the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’. If a parent can’t even be bothered to supervise or discipline their own kid, how am I to expect that the kid would know how to behave around other humans?
So I’m changing my strategy. Although I’m not going to keep my mouth shut if a kid is destroying one of my toys, and I’m not going to let a kid get away with knocking over my two year old, I will be a little more diplomatic about. After all, they are children. They actually come programmed to be totally self involved individuals. They need to be taught, by their parents, to give a shit about breaking other peoples things and being considerate of those around them, So instead of being mad at a child because they’re acting like an asshole, I will go and find the parent and tell them they’re raising one.
It takes a village, people. You’re welcome.
(This post first ran on Play Pen: The Irreverent Parent’s Guide)
About the author: Maura McCormick, creator of Play Pen; The Irreverent Parent’s Guide, is a freelance writer and mother of two girls, Hollywood (6), and Baby (2).
When Maura isn’t busy making questionable parenting decisions, she is obsessing over her tiny corner of the blogosphere, The Play Pen, where you can come mix up a cocktail and breathe a sigh of relief from the trials and tribulations of parenting. Trust us, you are probably doing a far better job of child rearing than she is. There is plenty of self-deprecating fodder on her blog to prove it.
Do connect with Maura on Facebook and Twitter. She loves the validation.
2 Comments
Well. I bet you’re fun at parties.
I have a shit kickin’ time everywhere I go, actually. I just do it respectfully.