Love, actually.

Have you ever loved someone so much that you will never tell them how much they mean to you?

That the risk of being vulnerable, being rejected or jeopardizing your current relationship is too great? That you may go to your death bed wondering “What if…?”

I love someone that much. And yet I will never tell him.

I’ll flirt. Touch his arm lightly when we’re in conversation. Laugh at his jokes. I do my best to keep things friendly all the while wanting to take his face in my hands and kiss him deeply.

There are times when I think he feels the same way. He’ll remember something I said months ago, a pair of shoes I once wore. A tender look, loaded with all the things he’d like to say. Or when he avoids my eyes all together.

It’s when he looks away that I almost have the courage to tell him that I love him. That he is my true soul mate, my other half that I have been searching for my entire life. That my daily thoughts are consumed by him, and that he will never find anyone who loves and understands him like I do. Yet, just as the words form on my lips I remember how much is at stake.

So I smile brightly and move onto the next subject. How about those Canucks?