It’s bound to happen. I call it one of the perks of working in an office. Some fellow co-worker has to take a serious dump and the results are akin to a radiation spill.
Hey, I’ve been there. Trust me. Target bathroom and I? Yeah, we got a thing. Coffee runs (pun intended), right through me. The point is, I’m in a large public bathroom designed for that sort of thing, not the closet sized john with the water saver flush feature at the workplace.
I’ve seen the bumper sticker as I’m driving that reads, “If I’m speeding, it means I have to poop.”
I like to give to give those drivers a lot of room to pass me. I figure I owe them some respect for saving their business for their personal toilet.
Unlike some employees…
I know when I worked in an office there were few ne’er do wells that reserved the communal crapper as their own personal dumping station. You knew shit was about to go down when suspected offenders showed up with their bags of burritos for lunch.
My co-worker and I began to stalk possible culprits for evidence in order to report them to human resources. As far as we were concerned, we were victims of a heinous crime. Office vandalism was absolutely not tolerated and it was obvious there was some serious graffiti going on. We even went so far as to put “Out Of Order” signs on both doors to see which employee(s) would protest the loudest, in hopes of outing them.
I always thought there was an unspoken code of ethics when it came to sharing the office can. Apparently I was wrong. Somehow these assholes were completely secure in their waste treatment plan.
Unfortunately I made the mistake of entering the bathroom after what appeared to be an apparent nuclear holocaust. It was clearly evident the bathroom had turned into Chernobyl. To cover my ass (ahem), I brought in witnesses. There was no way I was getting blamed for this travesty.
Toilet paper strewn on the floor, skid marks on the seat, unmentionables in the toilet and suspicious prints on the paper roll were the very least of it. Basically it was a scene straight out of “The Walking Dead.” I’m afraid what would be exposed if luminol were involved.
We caught the offender. Somehow the gagging scent of Glade Pine Meadows bathroom spray coming off her clothes gave it away. She was given a tub of Clorox wipes and a gentle reminder was placed on the bathroom door that read, “We are a green company, please deposit your bulk waste at home.”
Here’s some words of wisdom. Don’t shit where you eat, or, for that matter, where you work. If you can’t hold it, then at the very least, head for the nearest fast food joint to drop your load.
Your co-workers will thank you.