The signs are always there. It just matters if your vision is clear.
Low self worth, denial and hope mixed with a manipulative, abusive person makes a great romance, in Hell.
We worked together. I had a bad case of dating anyone who told me I was pretty. He had a need to control and be right. Love was in the air.
I could have dated many a nice man, but fuck were they boring. No drama, no jealousy, no fights. No adrenaline.
The first sign was literally spelled out to my face. My boss knew my boyfriend well. She warned- he’d hit his last girlfriend. What?! That girlfriend must have been crazy or annoying.
He’s sweet, tells me I am everything, even imagines marrying me, (only goal I had in life). So thanks for the warning. I got this.
I never gave a second thought until much later. I spent all my waking hours taking care of him. He was so misunderstood. He never bonded with his mother. Poor dear.
He didn’t like that I wanted to wait for sex. I can’t make him feel frustrated, so I gave it up too soon. He got real jealous (adorably so) when I spent time with my male friends. So I didn’t.
He also really hated when I swooned over celebrities. After a great concert with friends I guess joking about getting backstage made my boyfriend worry. So he came to my bedroom window at two a.m and crawled in to make sure I was alone (he must really love me! Also I’m pretty flattered he thought I could snag Jon Bon Jovi – thank you!!)
The second sign came when I saw how he treated his dog. He was rough, and the dog just obeyed. I didn’t realize the dog and I had so much in common.
And then he wasn’t so sweet any more. I was accused of a lot of things. Tipping too much to the delivery man meant I was flirting. Not answering my phone when I was home was just silly, so he would check on me.
My roommates hated him. So I asked him to move in. He did. He loved every minute of it. I started to hate it. But I didn’t want to be alone. So I coped. I hid booze in my bathroom so I could drink before we went to bed. So I could detach while we had sex. I wasn’t “wild enough” in bed anyway, so that helped.
Then there was the time I “made him” hit me and throw me against the wall. I had just told him he needed to move out. He ripped the phone out of the wall. The adrenaline was pumping now. I was torn between the thoughts – this is so wrong and this is so passionate! He was so in love with me that he would go completely crazy without me!
He was beside himself with regret the next day, so we didn’t break up. I can’t be alone. I was twenty-two.
And history repeated itself, like a broken record, skipping back to the same starting place, despite the promises it would never happen again.
I finally broke free from the rut. It took a lot of convincing from the clear minded spirits around me to encourage me to let go. If I didn’t have those in the know, I don’t know where I would be. He’s history now. At least from my story.
I moved on to help others by learning the signs. I advocate for them, I tell them in time they will make history too.