Today I cried

Today Yesterday I cried. I cried tears of fear, tears of shame, tears of sadness, and tears of hope.

I cried even though I was fairly certain I had no more tears to cry.

Grieving is an interesting process. Just when you pull your shit together and put your game face on, you receive a company wide email announcing extended heath benefits enrollment for the upcoming year and you realize that you’re enrolling as a single mom of two this year. Fuck.

Some days are harder than others, wrought with feelings of inadequacy, anger, sadness, and jealousy. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want this, but, alas, it is what it is.

Today Yesterday I cried tears of frustration, tears of disappointment, and tears of resentment.

I’ve been dealt my fair share of shit during this lifetime, and today yesterday I wallowed in self pity, and feelings of woe- is- me. I clung to Pinterest quotes and images of heartbreak and sadness, and then I woke up.

I got up to a messy kitchen, and a huge house, heart breakingly empty, but happy. I woke up happy. I turned on Songza and I danced! I danced like no one was watching, and I smiled even though no one was here to see it, and I cleaned my kitchen, and reveled in the moment.

And then today… Today I cried! I cried tears of happiness! I cried tears of contentment, and acceptance, and understanding! I don’t know if it was the ¾ of a bottle of wine and bubble bath that was the instigator, but regardless, I realized for the first time that it’s going to be ok. It IS going to be ok.

E.H.F.A.R.  … everything happens for a reason.

Today was a day of acceptance, a day of happiness, a day of understanding, and a day of realizing that you’re never as broken as you think you are.

I can’t wait for tomorrow.