I know what it’s like to have kids, I know your shocked but I do, I have numerous kids of my own.
I know what it’s like to have my kids do something stupid that makes me turn into a raging homicidal maniac.
I know what it’s like to take my kids to the doctor for the umpteenth time, for the same freaking thing.
I know what it’s like to sit in endless parent teacher interviews.
I know what it’s like to wait in line at 4am to get my kid into some top rated, over priced pre-school that will teach them how to do long division and color inside the lines.
I’ve got it!
Please I am begging you for all that is holy in this world, please stop (over) sharing all the gross shit that your kids do that haunt my nightmares because I have experienced it too because again, I also have kids.
I don’t want to know that any 1, 2, 3 or 4 of your kids are barfing in your car or on your bed because just hearing about it makes me want to hug my kids with a lysol disinfectant wipe over their faces.
I don’t want to know that any of your kids (baby or not) are pooping liquid fire either. Nope, I don’t.
I don’t care about the outbreak of some mysterious oozing skin rash on anyones ass and I especially don’t want to see pictures of it.
I don’t want to see that wart, blister, stitch or staple nor do I want the details of the incident that caused them.
The reality is, kids are gross. Yours, mine and theirs. Gross. Yes, kids get sick. Yes, kids barf. Yes, kids have exploding ass canons. I know you are playing the, “misery loves company” card but I have to tell you, I’m not joining you. Why would you want to plaster that all over my happy place? I mean, isn’t Facebook a place for all of us to paint a picture of the perfect life we’re not living? Get with the program.
When my kids are healthy and their bodily functions are somewhat normal, I like to think that the rest of the world is in my blissful place too.
So STOP puking on my parade!