It’s almost here: that day devoted to silly jokes, minor messes, and harmless mayhem. The day that my nerdiness is sated by George Takei memes, playful Google Doodles, and an email full of glorious geek products dreamed up in the over-caffeinated, maniacal monkey minds at ThinkGeek.com. April Fools Day is a day meant for fun, laughs, and nerf-ambushes.
It is NOT for thoughtless faux pregnancy announcements that leave me curled up in a ball in the corner of my closet. I’m here to stop them.
By now, I am sure that you’re aware of the trend of cutesy Facebook and Pinterest pregnancy announcements. Pregnancy announcements have been known to provide even un-engaged folks mixed feelings. Sure, most of people are happy for the couple, but still they wonder, “Does this mean that they get to look forward to 7 months of nothing but pregnancy posts?”
They are happy for you, but they don’t really want to have to read about the about the fruit-to-fetus ratio each week. They are really just clicking “Like” on your sonogram picture because they’re nice people, not because they were waiting with baited breath to see if the vaguely head-shaped blob will have your nose or your mother-in-law’s chin.
That is what a “normal” thinks, normal meaning “normal person with no fertility issues.” Do you want to know what your Pinterest-y Facebook pregnancy announcement means for me, someone who has been struggling with infertility for several years now? It feels like I’m being kicked by a whole soccer team… and they have Bruce Lee-like moves.
I am not alone in this – it turns out the feeling is pretty common among people who are experiencing infertility or pregnancy losses. So is the guilt. See, in an added-insult-to-injury twist, we usually feel bad for feeling bad. It’s hard when you know that you are supposed to feel happy for someone – and you do – but you also can’t help feeling sad for yourself. We try to get through our days with as much grace as we can and, quite simply, it is easier to do that when we’re not reminded of what we still DON’T have. Even so, we still can’t help but feel terrible for having a reaction that is anything less than 100% happy for the soon-to-be parents.
That’s how it feels when it’s a REAL pregnancy announcement. What’s our response to a prank one? Well, for me, it’s a combination of sadness and rage. Not anger, rage. Straight-up, kill-all-your-dolls rage. Why? Because there is someone out there that sees all of this as a JOKE. Making a joke out of pregnancy as though it is an inconsequential thing is an insult to all of the people, like me, who get poked and prodded in personal places on the regular for years at a time with nothing but the all-too-fleeting HOPE that we’ll be able to get pregnant.
As for those people who have suffered pregnancy loss… I can’t even go there. If you don’t get it, then I can’t speak in enough small words to explain what someone’s fake pregnancy announcement feels like to someone who lost the child their real pregnancy had promised.
The bottom line is this: there is nothing funny about a pregnancy prank. It’s cruel and insensitive. Anyone who thinks it is a prank is hopelessly out of touch with the amount of pain it can cause. Don’t tell me it’s “just a joke”; just don’t do it.
If you really must be the center of attention, post that you got a full-face tattoo like a normal person.
JoAnne Applebaugh is a freelance writer/blogger who writes the blog I Try: The Additive Property of Happiness. With topics ranging from infertility to baking and aunt-hood to current events, she likes to describe her blog as “eclectic”, or a “hopefully someday Mommy blog”. She lives with her loving and patient husband, and their two less patient cats, about 70 miles the east of St. Paul, MN. You can find JoAnne on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Bloglovin.