Today I watched my friend’s two small children so she could take a shower. After her shower, her littlest one (eight months old) was ready for a feeding and a nap. Without a second thought my friend sat down, whipped out her breast, and began feeding. My youngest son happened to be with me and when she did this he rushed for the door exclaiming he didn’t want to be there anymore. I inquired as to why and he replied with “boys aren’t supposed to see girls’ boobs” then stomped outside slamming her door shut.
I apologized profusely for his words and actions. His reaction embarrassed me. After some time to think about the incident though, I’m not embarrassed. He reacted the way I had taught him to. I have taught him to shield his eyes from the commercials of women parading in their underwear. I have taught him to plug his ears and ignore the sex scenes so often played out on television. It got me thinking a lot about how things are changing in the world.
My boys are taught to respect women and give them privacy. Breastfeeding, in general, is exposing a part of the body we were taught not to show off. Now, the rules of exposure are changing rapidly and it’s hard to explain to little boys why when feeding a baby it’s OK to expose the secrets of our bodies. It’s hard to teach them what privacy is when the term means something completely different now than it did when I was a child.
There are so many debates and arguments going on online about breastfeeding in public. People argue about why it should and should not be OK to just whip out a breast. People argue about covering and not covering.
What people are NOT talking about is the effect it’s having on children.
I personally did not breastfeed due to complications. It doesn’t mean I don’t understand why feeding a baby whenever and wherever is a basic human right. It doesn’t mean I want people to cover up or hide what they are doing. What it does mean, is my children were not exposed to breasts as a form of nutrition. They have not seen women breastfeeding at stores or walking down the street. They aren’t sure what to do when forced into a situation where someone just starts feeding their baby.
So many people have an opinion about what to do in these situations it’s hard to know what is right and what is wrong. Do I simply start exposing my children to breasts? I can explain a hundred different ways why a woman is doing what comes naturally for them, but for the last ten years they were taught a different way. I get scowls when my boys’ faces turn red and they try to run away from the awkward situation.
It really is awkward for them. It’s uncomfortable and something new. The same goes for them walking into a bathroom reading “Men” and a woman is in there doing her business because she is a man on the inside. They panic and don’t know what to do.
The public hasn’t given children the opportunity to adjust. They just expect because laws and rules are changing that everyone will be OK with these decisions. There aren’t meetings in classrooms explaining why “girls” are allowed in the boys’ bathroom or why “boys” are allowed in girls’ bathrooms. Because the laws have changed it just is, no explanation, no time to adjust.
I know as a parent it’s my responsibility to inform my children of what is happening with these situations but no matter how many times I do explain it, until they are in a situation where it is happening, they don’t really get it. Then after something has happened, I explain it again and hopefully it clicks in their little minds. We have to remember children aren’t thinking of the future. They aren’t thinking ‘OK, there might be a girl/boy in this men’s/women’s bathroom. They aren’t thinking ‘OK, there might be a woman getting ready to feed her child around the next corner.’
If you see a child while you are breastfeeding and they are shocked or embarrassed, please don’t give their parents dirty looks. Remember all of this is new to them. If you are in a bathroom and a child walks in and panics because you are using the “wrong” bathroom, don’t yell at them and blame society. These children simply don’t quite understand yet. It’s not people being intolerant of you or what you are doing, its children being unsure and not knowing how they should handle the situation they are suddenly forced into.
Allow the future generations already accustomed to a different set of rules time to get to know these new social rules. Allow parents time to adjust their children. Don’t automatically assume a parent isn’t teaching their child about these new things, they may not have experienced what they are walking into before.
Natalia Bowser is a married domestic engineer and a mother of two boys. She continually seeks to find the balance of her daily life as a mother and a wife. Her writing emerged as a teenager from a broken home, and since morphed from poetry to her deepest inner thoughts. She is an aspiring writer and owner of The Queen’s Soapbox Confessions on Facebook. She shares her thoughts in hopes of helping other parents and inspiring others to become writers. You can also find her on Twitter.