Now and again there’s a post that makes my blood boil. Often, they are written by childless folk bitching about people traveling with their kids. Not today.
So what’s got my hackles up on this topic? A newly popular site called The Meta Picture posted a photograph where a couple is commended for handing out Ziplock bags filled with treats and ear plugs along with a note apologising in advance for having kids on the plane.
I call bullshit.
But before I get down to business. I, too, HATE ill-behaved kids on planes. That’s right; you heard it here first. I may travel across the globe with my toddlers in tow, but that doesn’t mean I find all behaviours to be excusable from little tykes on planes.
Parents and childless travellers alike need to recognize what can and can’t be avoided. Children kicking the seat in front of them can be stopped. How do I know this? Because as I child I was taught not to kick, and my children have never kicked, therefore it is possible. No sane human should tolerate this. Bitch-slapping of parents is acceptable here.
However, some things can’t be controlled. One example is an 8 month old child feeling some sort of discomfort and crying for 6 hours straight. In this scenario, parents deserve your noise cancelling headset and a nice dirty Martini on the house. Trust me, the pain they endure is infinitely worse that the frustration you are feeling.
If you are prone to complaining about noise but don’t travel with noise-cancelling accessories–sold in every airport duty free section–you have only yourself to blame (This means you, you spineless scumbag, who waited until the lights were down to “shush” my crying baby).
Back to business: why do I have a problem with the kindness of handing out candy to other passengers?
For starters, this sort of thing didn’t exist in the past. My mother travelled across the Atlantic twice a year with three young kids in tow, never once handing out goody bags to people around her. If a kindness has disappeared, it’s the one where people offer a helping hand with your luggage while you strap your kid into their seats. Instead, we parents are given a 35 second head start to make our way down a mile-long corridor, usually overtaken by speeding hoards while we are still trying to fold our strollers before we board.
Handing out gift bags feeds the idea of ‘how dare parents bring their kid on a plane’ – last time I checked commercial airlines are a form of public transport.
I say this as someone who goes to great effort to be as prepared as any parent can be on a flight. I try to choose decent flight times and seats near the loo. I make sure they are fed and rested and we have an ample stash of snacks and activities.
I’ve also gone to great pains to teach my kids plane-manners, something I’d like to point out most travellers are severely lacking. Yet the double standard persists where I am under a magnifying glass and they are not. Now thanks to this new breed of apologists, my seat neighbours are going to be disappointed if I don’t hand them a voucher for Starbucks or designer ear plugs.
For you apologists:
1. There is NOTHING WRONG with with kids on a plane. And don’t let the eye rolls get in your way. Offer them some eye drops instead of treats.
2. You are encouraging their bullying behaviour. The more you yield to their inappropriate behavior or expectations, the more they think they are entitled to act like self-important shits.
3. Planes are public transportation. If they want to guarantee a quiet flight, remind them of the plethora of private jet companies.
4. You are ruining it for the rest of us. Perhaps you enjoy getting walked all over and spending your time bowing and asking for forgiveness, but the rest of us don’t. My kids will be paying their future Social Security. The way I see it, they should be thanking me.
For you stink-eye childless folk:
We have common ground! I long for a kid-free section too!
This way we can do without all you moaners and whiners. Get it together people, you are supposed to be adults. When a 2 year old cries because his ears hurt, he is within his developmental rights. He can’t understand the economics behind the seat that won’t recline more than 15 degrees. All you wingers are adults for christ’s sake. When you all learn proper plane etiquette, maybe I’ll take you seriously.
Until then, I dream of the day I don’t have to hear your exasperated sigh as I walk my brood down the boarding corridor, watching you strain to rush in front of me and then have to wait for you as you struggle to store your carry on bag. There’s a whole cargo hold below for those things -perhaps this is where the new child-free section could go!
And if you chose to slum it with us families, take note: When I am reminding my kids at the start of a flight not to kick the seat in front of them or even rest their feet there, when I tell them to carefully use the back of their own seat instead of pulling on the seat in front to get up, rest assured I am not actually saying that for my kids to learn. My little travellers already know the drill. The rest of you…not so much.