I think we all have that friend who picked some dorky name for their kid.
Or worse, made a ridiculous mash up of two normal names because they couldn’t decide on a moniker that actually exists. It is a kind of arrogance because these misguided new parents honestly believe that their tiny human will be so exceptional and unique in the world that they must have a name unlike any other in the universe. I suspect this a North American phenomenon. Kayleryan and Gramsickle…. is this really necessary?
I suppose it is better to create new names than simply giving names that mean “Son of” or “daughter of” which feels not only old-fashioned but links the kid permanently to an unproven entity that is their new parent. What if the Mom or Dad turn out to be a serial killer or worse, a conservative? Now you are an adult and your name means “son of Charles Manson.”
Don’t even get me started on “unique” spellings of traditional names. This child you just pushed out will curse you for eternity because they have to spell out Alexzandre, Cydnee, and Dafydd….every…single…time.
Nothing says “my parents were pretentious twits” like a kid named Jazzmyn.
I mean, it is hard enough to make it in the business world as a woman without the anchor of a name with a silly spelling… jeez. Worse yet, if you spell “Erica” as “Airwrecka” there is a good chance you are announcing the full depth of your illiteracy to the world.
The tradition that befuddles me more than any of the others is the concept of naming your child after yourself. There are multiple generations of British Lords all named Edward or Aberthorn – distinguishable only by their number. I kind of wonder if it is considered impolite to ask “Which Englethorpe are you? Are you the Second, Third or Fourth Lord of the shire?”
I guess I can see it being a royal tradition or cultural norm in some places to assign a number to your offspring, but in modern times is it really necessary to have the same name for two people in one house? It seems that no matter what the name is, the kid becomes known as “Junior.” Poor thing. There must be some emotional impact to being called something that smacks of “less than” or “small version of larger person.”
Legacy naming seems to be more of a dude thing rather than for the girls. In fact, I have met exactly one person who named her daughter after herself and it was weird. Somehow it seems stranger than when a guy does it. I can’t figure out why it is odd to have Mother and Daughter called the same thing? Maybe it is because we don’t really know what the female equivalent of “Junior” might be? Maybe “Mini?”
Yeah, because that wouldn’t be hilarious or anything.
To be clear, I am not advocating bringing back some of the older names for modern babies either. I think that vintage names like Ethel and Winifred have had their time and we need to leave them on headstones where they are quaint. Sometimes old names like Grace and Violet and Arthur are ok and have aged well. Whereas Alvin, Gertrude and Wilbur sound like an excerpt from the passenger list of the Titanic.
Steer clear of that iceberg.
A final note about naming traditions in a multicultural context. I wish I could provide consultation services to some of the eager Asian immigrants who happily translate their perfectly functional Chinese names into ill-advised English approximations. Doctors, scientists and researchers from major Asian Universities who arrive in the West and choose new English names like: Tinkie, Kitty, Dickie and Samsam because they think it is fun to say. Totally fun to say, but somebody needs to tell them what the word “cartoon” means.
There are so many awesome names out there, your choices are vast and your final decision can be defining for your little bundle. So, if you are sitting there right now thinking “my name is totally cool, we should name the baby after me” just remember, unless you are a British noble, your offspring, “Junior” or “Mini”, will curse you for eternity.