Hey there, it’s me, your annoying little brother. I wanted to reach out because I think it’s important we clear a few things up. I hope you take this to heart because, deep down, I really do love you.
I know I embarrass you in front of your friends. I will do anything to make them laugh, even at your expense. I burp and fart and routinely run around naked when you invite them over. To me, it’s a ripe audience to show off my limited entertainment skills to. You are sick of my antics, you know my moves, but they think I’m funny, dare I say even impressed? The level of humiliation will increase in direct proportion to how much attention your friends pay me. Eventually this will wear off, but it may take a few years.
I’m sorry Mom and Dad sometimes expect more out of you where I am concerned. Sometimes you have to help me go potty, read me a book or give me a bath. You reluctantly agree, bribed with the odd piece of candy. I know you’d rather be doing a million other things, but I want you to know how much I love spending time with you.
Thank you for disrupting your routine. I often cramp your weekend plans with my naps and early bedtimes. I see the look of disappointment when you are building a sand castle or swimming at the pool and we have to leave earlier than you’d like. I’m sure you get irritated constantly being told to “be quiet” because I am sleeping at noon on a Saturday. I don’t like naps either, if that’s any consolation.
I appreciate you breaking our parents in. You weathered all their safety concerns and early curfews. You put the slack on the leash I will run with in my teenaged years. I’d also like to thank you in advance for buying my friends and I beer in high school, and covering for us the next morning when we “have the flu.”
Thanks for eventually teaching me about the birds and bees. I am SO sorry you actually had to have that talk with Mom. I owe you one.
Thanks for taking the fall every time I cry, even if I pinched your inner thigh so hard it eventually leaves a mark. You seem to always get the “he’s younger than you” speech, even when I started it. You get labeled bossy, while I am trying to “find my way.”
I am shocked in the midst of all my bullshit you never outed Santa. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you did.
I know at one point you got all the attention. You were the cute and funny one. You were the center of the universe, the one Mom always bragged about. Then I stole your spotlight. My lame crafts have prime real estate on the family fridge; my milestones all over their social media. They laugh when I talk back and you get sent to your room.
I’m the shiny new toy.
I want you to know how much I love you. I look up to you and want to emulate every move you make. It’s a lot of pressure, constantly obligated to show me the ropes. I appreciate the time you give me more than you know, even if you do so with a grunt and an eye roll. Yours is a thankless job. Rest assured it doesn’t go unnoticed.
Yours truly,
Your Little Bro