I recently read about this crap – Sugar Daddy University – I will save you the trouble: it is an attempt to capitalize this new trend connecting lecherous rich, older men with nubile young women. Oh wait, this isn’t a new trend. This is the oldest cliché in the book.
I decided to write an open letter to Alan “Action” Schneider who posits that there is no shame in being a Sugar Daddy. I beg to differ, and so should you.
Dear Action (May I call you Action?):
I know I’m a little long in the tooth to qualify for Sugar Baby status but “Alan” seems a bit formal for a stud such as yourself.
You claim that your course “will teach Sugar Daddies the secret to attracting, meeting, and creating long-term relationships with Sugar Babies.” Hate to break it to you, Action but I can reveal that secret right here & now: it’s called cash. Cold. Hard. Cash.
You claim that the average age of your Magna Cum Loudly graduate Sugar Daddy is 38. I live in a city where there is a high ratio of women to men and 38 year old dudes can still get plenty of quality Sugar Baby ass on a Friday night. I’m not a statistician (although I did study statistics at university) but I’d put the median age closer to 58.
Flaccid scrotums and overstuffed wallets often result in poor decisions. Because that’s what Sugar Daddy University really is: a sad, desperate attempt for wealthy men to feel superior to women lacking material means whilst harbouring materialistic ambitions.
I understand the basic principles of supply and demand (also studied economics at university) and that prostitution is the world’s oldest profession (sociology, women’s studies, religious studies) but let’s speak frankly here, Action: if women had more money or were paid equal wages, your Sugar Babies might enrol in an accredited university, educate themselves about misogyny and go on to build company that leaves the world a better place without exploiting themselves or others.
Let’s do some really simple math here, Action: if it’s true that the typical Sugar Daddy has an income of $271,198, and he forks over an average Sugar Baby allowance of $51,684 a year, why wouldn’t you encourage your Tufts-worthy tuggers to invest 20% of their income into a scholarship for a deserving young woman to further her education and make something of her life? To invest in sustaining the future of female scholars, not just in the staining of sheets?
Oh, right. Because feminism doesn’t sell newspapers, nor does it inspire sagging, horny asses out of board room chairs to attend your course and learn how to turn full grown women into their adoring “babies.”
If I were you, Action or a female member of your family, I’d take that US$50,000 per “scholar” and invest it in a school in a developing nation, one where girls are not allowed to go to school like Pakistan, Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia. Or set up a scholarship at an existing university in NYC, Toronto or Vancouver (your top 3 Sugar Daddy cities) for a girl who excels in a sport, academics or business. who thrives against the odds, who will not let the bastards get her down. I would use that money to help girls and women understand that their net worth doesn’t depend on her ability to please her Daddy (basic Freudian transference, Psych 101).
I will help you with your own education Action: Read this: Nick Kristof said recently in The New York Times: ” there’s no force more powerful to transform a society. The greatest threat to extremism isn’t drones firing missiles, but girls reading books.”
Women deserve better, Action. And so do men.