Fake it til you make it

Someone just gave me some good advice: Fake it ’til you make it.

If that isn’t the best advice for a parent, I don’t know what is.

What they don’t teach you in any prenatal class, but should be a big bright infographic in the parenting handbook, is that kids are resilient. As long as they think that YOU are ok, they are pretty much okay. Faking it until you make it is a viable parenting strategy.

Take newborns for example. When my first child would cry, I would begin scrolling through my “what’s wrong with her now” roulette list until I eventually hit upon the magic bullet answer that made her stop. I changed a LOT of unnecessary diapers, pulled out my boobs more often than a girl at Mardi Gras in New Orleans, rocked, shushed, swaddled, sang. It wasn’t until I had my second child that I realized what I had been doing wrong.

I had been scared shitless, and my kid knew it. The tense arms, frantic note in my voice, diaper taping and retaping, shuffling anxiously from side to side. How much easier would we have had it if I had been faking calmness until I figured it all out?

As my kids get older and I face the same set of challenges the second time around, I am reminded over and over again just how easy it is to get through by just faking it.

And the fact is, we do it all the time without even thinking about it. Like when our child falls down and we heal the ouchie with a soothing kiss. When we put on cute clothes and perfume to disguise our unwashed hair and the whiff of too many no-shower-days. We fake it in little ways all day long, but sometimes fall down just at the moment that it is most needed.

So here is my advice to new parents:

Fake it ’til you make it.

Be cool, calm and collected around your kids. Save the inevitable breakdowns for the shower and long walks around the block.

Don’t be that ass clutching your child and bawling on the school doorstep on the first day of school. They have many, many years of institutional learning in front of them and there is no reason to start them off by making them think they are walking towards the death chamber. Plaster a smile on your face and wait until you are back in the car to let the tears flow.

Cheer them on and be their biggest fan. Tell them they can walk, run, jump. Yell it loud so that it blocks out the voice in your head saying “Oh no, they’ll fall down and get hurt”.

Sing and dance your way through every challenge life throws in your way. Fake it until you have convinced yourself that you have it made.