You may have seen on the internet grapevine recently that a lovely new term for vagina  is making some waves at the moment –  “snippa” (read more on Netmums). We have the lovely Swedes to thank for this newly adopted word for our cherished vaginas which has been catching on amongst certain folk. I can’t say I am a massive fan (although some seem to think it’s adorable, apparently), although I do rather like their word for a willy – “snopp” (not to be confused with Snoopy).

Anyway, it got me thinking…as far as I’m concerned, the vagina has had to suffer some of the most ridiculous and down right horrid names in its poor existence as part of human kind. And so here for your amusement, are my top 10 worst names for the sacred vagina…surely they should be more sacred than this?

1. Cat flaps – If you think entering into a vagina is like going through a cat flap, well then…probably best stay out in the first place!

2. Beef curtains – Meaty upholstery? I don’t think so. They’re not yours to open anyway.

3. Axe Wound – Last time I checked that was not how the vagina was created. This ain’t no horror movie!

4. C*%T – Wrong. Plain wrong. That is all.

5. Vag – Imagine Del Boy from Only Fools and Horses saying this and then you’ll understand why I hate this term so much.

6. Bearded Oyster – Enough to put anyone off the sea’s favourite aphrodisiac for life. Doing it with a hairy mollusc? Ewwww….

7. Minge – The minge is cringe. Enough said.

8. Gash – The urban dictionary sums this one up perfectly – “I just blasted a load in your mom’s gash”. *Shudder*

9. Panty Hamster – Last time I looked, I didn’t have a pet rodent residing in my knickers, thank you very much. Don’t know about you.

10. Hairy goblet – Harry Potter meets pubic hair. Not in the slightest bit sexual or flattering.

Why couldn’t we just stick with the far less offensive fanny, vajayay or …or even the ridiculously romantic honeysuckle? Why does our part which many consider to be sacred, valuable and quite frankly, a secret weapon, get all the SHIT words attributed to it. I think it’s time for a rethink here.

Which of the above do you think is the worst name for a vagina? Are there that you hate which I haven’t listed above? Do share….

(This post originally ran on Motherhood: The Real Deal)

About the author: Motherhood: The Real Deal is run by Talya, a mum to a very intense, amazing little toddler gal who most of the time specializes in driving her round the bend. Having given up the working mum role when she hit 12 months (she was the co-founder and Editor-in-Chief for an online lifestyle platform) she’s sat on both sides of the fence as a working and then stay-at-home mum and like many, have grappled with the issues which come hand in hand with both scenarios.facebook page here,  on Twitter here,  on Google + here and on Pinterest here


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  1. Ohhh.. the bearded oyster! I get it now! I didn’t realize that was a reference to a coochie (an okay word for vagina, at least for me). There’s that actress (starred in the Mama Mia movie and Big Love) who tattooed “minge” on her ankle. She thought it was “cute.” I think it’s just strange.

  2. So each of these terms made me chuckle, even if a little. Does that make me a ‘twat’?

    Love this post – totally wrong but in every way right x

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