20 Catchphrases Moms Need to Get Through the Day

Let’s face it, fellow mamas, these are trying times. From carrying the weight of self-inflicted mom-guilt to navigating sneaker-filled obstacle courses that spread virus-style to every room of your home, parenting feels like an endless Olympic event —minus the promise of endorsement deals and mind-blowing sex with super-fit athletes inside “the Village.”

So it goes without saying that we could all benefit from a little encouragement that empowers us to be our best selves. But where do we look to find that inner moxie that gives us the swagger of Rihanna on her best hair day? The inspirational phrase, of course. And, if one statement emboldens you, why not 20?!

The following motivational mantras implore you to shake the dust off your spirit and soar with the vivacity of comeback Britney Spears. In fact, these catchphrases themselves were inspired by that sage slogan “Dance like nobody’s watching.” (Because, really, no one is — unless you’re drunk and then all bets are off.) Now, get after it, girl!

1. Drink like you’re the one wearing Pampers.

2. Check your phone like it’s Beyoncé calling – not the school nurse.

3. Poop like your toddler isn’t standing on the other side of the door sobbing because “Paw Patrol” ended.

4. Curse like you’re Gordon Ramsay (and your kids know better than to repeat those expletives at Sunday School).

5. Shag like an elf busying for Christmas.

6. Clean like Ron Jeremy just used your toilet.

7. Swim like you are the spawn of Nemo and The Little Mermaid.

8. Cut in line like you won’t be ejected from the park.

9. Scream like your neighbors would never think of calling Child Protective Services.

10. Snack like obesity is the new black.

11. Argue over bedtime with the bullheaded tenacity of a shitfaced Real Housewife.

12. Snore like you give zero fucks about your partner.

13. Sweat like a fat baby with a glandular disorder.

14. Garden like you’re Edward Scissorhands on a 3-day meth binge.

15. Run like Roy Moore is chasing you and your Girl Scout troop.

16. Interject like you’re the only one at the PTA meeting with an ounce of sense.

17. Laugh ’til you snort like a cartoon piglet.

18. Dress like Kanye’s watching.

19. Spend like your FICO score should match your IQ.

20. Tweet like nobody’s reading.

Liz Alterman is a mom of three who enjoys baking, gardening, and making fun of reality television. You can read more about her adventures in unemployment and under-achieving at ballsofourasses.blogspot.com or follow her on Twitter @LizAlterman.