I can not tell a lie (lie) I love using colloquialisms.
They make you sound clever and witty. Sometimes as smart as a book, sometimes as sharp as a tack and tacks are sharp. That’s their purpose. I love something that does it’s intended job.
And so goes the cliché phrase; the one that leaves everyone within ear shot deciding you are the “cat’s meow for Pete’s sake” even though no one knows Pete and wouldn’t recognize his momma if the sun spit in her face.
See?
BOOM!
But butbutbut there are several that are just dumb. In fact, when I hear them uttered, I usually check the person who’s uttered them off my list (Because I keep a list).
In this spirit I’d like to explore a few of my pet peeves (Yes, in addition to cats I keep peeves) and what they really mean.
You know the ‘old’ saying…
- Keep your friends close and your enemies closer? Who the hell would do that?
- Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Not really. It’s sweet but not true.
- No pain, no gain. From every scientific piece of evidence I’ve ever studied this is in fact the opposite of true.
- Being a second banana. You’re a banana for using a fruit-based pun.
- Wet behind the ears. What am I missing here? Is there a time in life when one can assume another is moist in strange places? And if so, please see a doctor.
- Dead as a doornail, because we all know that doornails begin life as living organisms.
- Soup to nuts. Are we talking awesome cafeteria style food here? I don’t get ‘it’.
- Being a fair weather friend– which pretty much means you’re going to be very lonely the other 150 days of the year when it rains.
- You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. Actually, I’m good with just calling Sven.
- A rose by any other name would smell so sweet. I’ve heard this, read this, and taken it to the bank to get a loan and I still believe with my Spidey olfactory sense that a rose smells unique, but is not the only heady smell given forth from the garden of Eden. Am I being too literal or was Will stretching with this one?
- Nice guys finish last. Oh yea. ‘Cause THAT’S the world I want to live in. Idiots.
- Nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof. I think anyone would be uncomfortable on a hot tin roof, least of which would be a cat who could easily jump off- though I do love the Tennessee Williams play. I guess I’ll let it pass for great drama- and Paul Newman.
- Sitting in the catbird seat. What is this mysterious seat and how can I get one?
- And lastly, Don’t let the door kick you in the ass on the way out.
Actually…
That one’s good to go.
(This post originally ran on A Pleasant House.)
4 Comments
lol this was a great read!!
I never understood keep your enemies closer… so stupid.
The back scratching? just ew.
Simply Shaunacey
I totally understand keep your friends close and your enemies closer. If you keep your enemies closer you know what they’re up to. I actually like quite a few of these sayings and don’t think they make anyone sound dumb. Maybe I’m missing something here, but the scratching back comment is basically saying if you help me I’ll help you. Overall, I guess I don’t understand the purpose of this post. Boredom?
I have provided explanations for four of your 14, (not 10) sayings…so you can now edit your list down to the ten indicated in your headline and not look like, in your words, “a dumbass.”
Blunt response:
No pain, no gain – means: If you aren’t hurting, you are NOT getting better. True.
Newborn babes are “wet behind the ears.” How can anyone be more naive than a newborn?
A person that takes a bath/shower is, I hope, at some point “wet behind the ears.” So is a newly baptized person. So the phrase can mean “clean” of experience and “clean of sin” depending on context.
BLUNTGuest, if you aren’t washing behind your ears and getting that area wet, you probably stink. You don’t need doctor, you need a shower with a power washer!
Soup to nuts: References a meal at which all of the dinner courses of an elegant meal are served, starting with “soup” and ending with “nuts.” You need to have this life experience, BLUNTGuest. “The full monty” and “all options” can be substituted for “soup to nuts.”
“A rose…” translated: if roses were renamed “dumbasses”, dumbasses would have the same sweet scent as the things that used to named roses. The phrase means “It is not the NAME of the thing makes it desirable/appreciated, but the qualities of the thing with the NAME that are appreciated.”
I’m going to go a little further and offer support for the other phrases, too, because they’ve all always made perfect sense to me.
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” True, actually. Maybe not for you, but for many people. We’re not talking about a decade apart; we’re talking about missing your kids while you’re out on a date (the very same kids you were complaining about the day before).
“Being a second banana.” Okay, I don’t care. You can hate on this one if you really want. Maybe they mean that after you’ve eaten your first banana, your second one isn’t that appealing.
“Dead as a doornail.” Because they were never alive in the first place. You can’t get more dead than that.
“Being a fair weather friend.” This person is only friends with you when things are going well, but not if you are having hard times or need a friend to lean on (i.e., stormy weather).
“Nice guys finish last.” As a nice guy (girl) myself, I’ve noticed this somewhat. Definitely not always, but sometimes you do have to speak up or look out for your own needs just a bit.
“Nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof.” Sounds pretty nervous. So what’s wrong with the saying?
I dunno. I’m not a big fan of sayings anyway, but I didn’t see much wrong with these.