Is this your first child?

Recently while at a restaurant with my family, a server sat a family at a table directly across from our potentially unruly toddler. I should mention that it was in a nearly empty restaurant! I was just about to roll my eyes when I looked up to see they also had a “terrible twos” toddler in tow.

The couple only had one child, but carried with them a large arsenal of crap. The colossal, overstuffed diaper bag suspended on Dad’s shoulder could have concealed a second, hidden child. I watched as the server waited impatiently for them to unload their many bags and take a seat before finally dropping the menus and leaving.

From there the couple unpacked the following:
-A very large plastic placemat that I am assuming they hoped the child would keep his food splatter limited to.
-A full sleeve and collared bib that covered everything from the child’s wrists to his ankles.
-A large box of wet wipes
-A bottle of alcohol-free hand sanitizer
-A stainless steel drinking cup.
-A plastic plate, fork and spoon.
-A wide selection of wooden toys.
-A wide selection of educational books.
-And an iPad with a popular Disney movie, just in case the other distractions weren’t enough.

This hilarious spectacle reeked of what I like to call “First Child Syndrome.” You know….Gotta be perfect! Going to do it better than everyone else! You’re going to show the world and rewrite the book.

We’ve all been there.

We all began our parental journey with that same unachievable ambition. And…it only declines with the birth of every subsequent child. I’m the first to openly admit being guilty of it myself.  I recall strongly voicing my opinions before I had children and trying very desperately to uphold my unrealistic objectives.

When I was pregnant with my first child… 
I vowed to breastfeed for an entire year and only make my own baby food from scratch (but, as it turns out…you can buy baby food at the grocery store AND generations as far back as our grandparents were fed this and SURVIVED).

I vowed absolutely no drug interventions. My children would only receive herbal remedies for pains like teething! (Thankfully my son wasn’t old enough to remember the teething pain he suffered and hold it against me!)

I vowed to give my kids educational toys ONLY (Because that’s all the kids really want – isn’t it?).

I vowed to only use cloth diapers (Ok, I’m not going to lie…. While I DID ponder this very briefly with my first…it really went no further than that).

I vowed my kids would never watch TV (hahahahahahahahahaha! That is all).

I vowed to never allow my children to eat anything sweet or sugary – juice, chocolate, candy, cake – nothing, zip, zilch, nada!

It was with absolute conviction that I announced…My kids would never throw temper tantrums or yell at me, talk back or use profanity. NO WAY! My kids would set the bar for perfection.

Yep–I plead guilty to those and probably a long list of other laughable expectations.

Fast forward to the present…

Last week my toddler daughter ate a small Lego man’s hat and had the hiccups for an hour. I spent the rest of that week examining her poop making sure it passed! My son relieved himself at the daycare playground and then proceeded to inform the center supervisor that “Mommy lets me do it at the park!”

Funny how things change! Are you guilty of “First Child Syndrome”?

Candace Livingstone
Blogging at: www.threesqueezes123.blogspot.ca