When I slow down, and sit still…

That’s when it hurts the most. When it’s quiet, and I stop moving…Even for a minute. I think about him, and all the fun things we did. The good times. His great qualities, and positive traits.  Kissing him. His smell. When I sit still, that’s when I remember. Not all the nasty shit we said to each other, or the way he twisted my words. Or how much I hurt him. Or how he lied. Just the good things, and the crazy-wicked bond we shared. The way we just clicked, how he got me…and I completely got him.

I tried to keep my mind busy. I spent time with my friends, I did a ton of writing…and it worked. For a while. Shit, I didn’t even look at my phone. Really, I didn’t! But I couldn’t stop wondering what he was doing. Was he even thinking about me? Pathetic I know! But you’ve all been there. Staring at your fucking phone, wishing it to ring. Wanting him to just show up on your doorstep, begging you to come back. Dang. This dating shit is killing me. But I love being in love. I mean, it’s the best…when it’s good, right? The first time you meet, and you get that feeling in your stomach. That fucking feeling! When you think he’s the one. And you want it to work, and he wants it to work. Then you kiss. And it’s not just any kiss, but that fucking-melt-your-legs-make-you-wet kiss. Uhhhhhh. The kind of kiss that you want to go on for days, and days…and days.


I love it. I need it, and I have to have it. We had it. It’s the glue of a great relationship. And what I look for first these days. If I don’t feel it, it ain’t happening…and I move it along. Not wasting anyone’s time. And I will not apologize for wanting it, or pretend it’s not important to me. I’m 44 years old, and I won’t be with a guy if I don’t get wet when I kiss him. Did she just say that? Ya, I did. I mean, doesn’t every woman deserve that? Sure, it’s awesome if he’s got a nice car, and a good job. Comes from a good lineage….Strong teeth, and a good head of hair. If he’s smart, and makes you laugh…blah, blah. 

But is he good in bed?

That’s right, you heard me. Can the boy fuck? And don’t act like I’m not saying exactly what y’all are thinking! These are the important things when you’re doing this the second time around. It’s your next shot at getting what you were missing the first time! The first time you married for security. You were looking for a good husband; a great father. But this time, marry for the SEX. The chemistry. Make sure you are having hot-flippin’ sex! It should be easy, and exciting. But mostly, you should want each other. Be excited jumping into that bed, not dreading it. There are no kids down the hall (it’s your week without them). No stress from the in-laws (you lost them in the divorce). You don’t have money issues to fight about (his is his, and yours is yours). Wow. You are just the two of you. The only thing y’all should be fighting about is who’s on top. 

Separate, but together….Perfection.
This is what I think about when I’m alone. Fuck, I miss him. And the connection we had, but not the crap that came along with it. (Never settle my friends, even if the sex is good!) So, I guess it’s for the best. Hmmm. Do you think a booty-call is completely out of the question? 😉


Jennifer Hurvitz is the best selling author of the books, One Happy Divorce, and Woulda. Coulda. Shoulda: A Divorce Coach's Guide to Staying Married. Jennifer’s readers describe her as “raw and in-your-face” and they’re right! Catch her coaching others as the host of the popular Doing Divorce Right Podcast...a look at how to divorce happily and respectfully without destroying each other in the process. Find Jen on IG, FB, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, and LinkedIn


  1. Wow, it’s like you were reading my mind. Just went through the same thing.

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