There is a time and a place for everything… Unfortunately some people never quite figure that out. Let me explain…

It’s Tuesday afternoon, and I’m on my way to drop my daughter off at dance class. At four years old, she loves spending an hour a week in ballerina dreamland, and my job as mom is to make sure that she’s dressed, fueled up, and ready to go as soon as we arrive. So you can imagine the joy on my face when we walk into the door and “crazy perfect overachiever mom” hands her a giant chocolate cupcake. The cupcake is admittedly cute, but insanely messy (four-year olds plus homemade chocolate icing = a disaster). No napkins, no plates.

“Crazy perfect overachiever mom” somehow expected 15 preschoolers to be able to walk around the dance studio lobby while eating messy cupcakes and NOT get icing all over their lavender leotards and pink tights. It’s impossible. Crumbs are being scattered all over the floor. One little girl is scraping the cupcake she dropped, icing-down, off of the floor. With her hands. I’m sure the dance teacher will be thrilled with that.

All of the moms, myself included, are standing here in the lobby looking at each other like what in the HELL is this woman’s problem?! The looks of stunned disbelief on our faces say it all. LOUD AND CLEAR.

Believe it or not, the issue of the mess and inappropriateness of the situation is not even our biggest problem. Crazy mom brought exactly 15 cupcakes for exactly 15 ballerinas… Unfortunately, half of the other moms and I have a host of younger brothers and sisters in tow, and naturally, they don’t understand why they can’t have one. Enter yelling, screaming and angry tears. Now the messy, sticky ballerinas are getting icing all over their moms’ clothes and half the kids are crying…

Hellooooo, rude lady, but that’s just mean… I don’t embrace the “everybody wins and gets a trophy” mentality, but I do believe in having manners and respect for the feelings of others especially when children are involved. We’re all here every week; the math on this one shouldn’t be hard. You had to have known this would be a problem.

Since common sense is clearly not your strong suit, I’m going to spell it out:

This is not an appropriate time OR place for handing out treats.

It’s not acceptable to pass out things to other people’s children without asking the parent first. What if one of the kids had an allergy? Or if we just don’t want our kids getting crap all over their dance clothes?! (I fall into that category, by the way)

I was hoping to make the brand new pair of tights she’s wearing today last until the dress rehearsal and recital three days from now. Now I’ve got to add buying more tights to my maxed-out schedule and spend money I don’t have on replacing them.

Wanna chip in?

While I’m sure you think you are being generous, it just screams of a lack of courtesy and respect. Also, the smug look on your face shows me that you’re the kind of person that likes to make everyone else squirm. No doubt you’re hoping that someone will feel indebted or inadequate because they haven’t engaged in the same behavior of random treat giving.

There is a time and a place for everything. Quit upping the ante on the things that we as Moms already feel pressured to do by society. We’re all doing our best just to successfully get from one day to the next. Use some common sense, and if that fails you, back off and get a life.

the Herd Manager

Written by Jessica McNeill Azar
Blogger at and on Facebook and Twitter.

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  1. Kristen Mae

    The thing about not bringing enough for siblings would be my main issue. We do soccer and you can bet whichever parent is in charge of snacks always brings enough for the siblings. I wouldn’t be too hard on crazy overachiever mom, though. There is probably a mountain of insecurity driving that train. 😉

  2. I can’t believe that Over Achieving Mom handed out treats, and messy ones at that, BEFORE a dance class in a dance studio that she does not own, or clean. I would hope that the dance instructor had a few words with her about not doing that again. Me? I would have been pissed if my child was in that class. The last thing I would want is my child to be given a messy sugar treat without my permission. Hopefully she won’t do it again.

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  4. Katie it’s common courtesy to at least ask before giving someone else’s kid a treat. Like I said in the post…. Kids have allergies, some moms don’t want their kids cracked out on sugar, the list goes on and on. And the way this woman went about it was crazy…. She brought Goody Bags for no reason to this same class about a month ago to celebrate Easter, and it’s done with an air of trying to best all of the other moms in the room. I’m tired of Moms randomly upping the ante when we are already all generally overloaded and stressed.

    • I agree she could have thought it through a little better, and I would definitely NICELY ask her next time to check in before bringing snacks to class because of allergies. But I think it just sounds like she’s trying to be nice to the kids in her daughter’s ballet class. While I don’t bake or craft, I know lots of moms who do, and for the most part, it’s something they do because they enjoy it and because they know it makes other people happy, not because of some imaginary competition. If you think she’s “upping the ante,” maybe the issue is your own insecurities, not her doing nice things for no reason.

  5. I agree with you Jess! Want to know my pet peeve? Ok I will tell ya! It’s moms that ask if they can send cupcakes to my first grade classroom for their child’s birthday. You’re thinking, that isn’t so bad – maybe they want to share tier birthday with their classmates. Wanna know what usually happens?? They’ll send the cupcakes in with their child and I’M left to handle the “party”. Holy mother of God! Are you kidding me? Not only am I now handling your child’s 7th birthday – but it’s taking away from my teach time. You want your kid to have a birthday celebration at school? Well take time off from your job (because you expect me to do the same), come to the school and have a celebration during recess so I don’t have to sacrifice my teach time. Bc you know, I am judged on what kids can regurgitate at the end of the school year on order to keep my job….. Rant done. Carry on!
    PS – please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors – this print is so small I can barely see it with my spectacles! 😉

  6. Get a life is right. That is insane. I’ve never heard of randomly showing up at dance practice w/ frosted cupcakes. If it was the year-end party or something maybe, but why the hell is she even bringing food to class? I’d think the dance studio would get pissed too. They don’t need the kids to be all sugared-up for class.

  7. Love your blog. I would flip out if anyone handed my kid a cupcake at ballet. Not only will she just make a big mess out of it but her ballet outfit will get destroyed. My daughter will now a days flat out tell them no since she doesn’t like chocolate but if it was white or pink she would take it and try it and be done with it except it’s all over her hands. I tell everyone that no sweets or candy wherever we go since I don’t want them strung out on sugar. I give them a dessert once a day but it’s their choice at the house unless it’s a special occasion. Again they wouldn’t accept it either. I could write this rant over lollipops too…lol! I don’t understand why people want to give my kids candy when all they do is open it lick it and drop in on the floor of my car so later I have to unstick that junk. I never feel the pressure of other moms to do more but again I am! I drop her off at dance and then return to pick her up…no socialization for this mom.

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