This is for all the white people who claim that they are not racist. For the white people who claim to disagree with state-sanctioned murder. For the white people who say they understand privilege. For the white people who say all these things but are still silent in these moments.
At 12:35 am on July 6, 2016, a little over 24 hours after we finished celebrating “Independence Day,” Louisiana police executed Alton Sterling. Sterling sold CDs outside of a local convenience store and had recently acquired a gun after a friend was robbed doing the same job. Louisiana is an open carry state. Police allegedly received an anonymous call that stated Sterling had threatened someone with a gun. When they arrived, they subdued Sterling and while he laid on his back they shot him five times.
I’ll say that again, police officers, Blane Salamoni and Howie Lake II, shot a restrained man five times. They executed a man in public with no hesitation. The officers body cameras magically came off and the convenience store surveillance video was confiscated.
In August 2014 after the death of Michael Brown, I wrote a post entitled “Why White Moms Need To Care About Murdered Black Children“. In the post, I stated the following
“I am tired of the silence of mothers of other races on this subject because they are too afraid to delve into race. I am tired of the only lives being valued having little to no melanin. These are BOYS dying… BOYS being killed because their very existence makes GROWN WHITE MEN fearful. What if these were white teenage boys? What if it was your fiance gunned down the night before your wedding? What if it was your boyfriend/father of your child shot while handcuffed and laying face down? Would it matter then? Would there be national days of silence or calls for changes to gun reform across the blog sphere for those people? Or are guns only bad when used on innocent white children?
Your silence makes me not trust you. Your silence makes me feel like you do not care about the future of my brown boy. Your silence breaks my heart.
Aside from the fact that I consider some of the people who have been silent on this issue friends, I’m urging white moms to stand up because and this is gonna sound harsh…
Because simply put your fathers, husbands, and sons are killing our fathers, husbands, and sons.”
When I wrote that post, some of the comments were vicious. People accused me of being “racist” against white moms. They told me I had a victim mentality. The arguments became so vicious that I turned off the comments feature. I’ve since lost count of the number of times I’ve shared that post and I’ve lost count of the number of Black people who have been killed by the police with no justice rendered.
In a way, I thought I had become numb to the killings and hashtags. I figured after Tamar Rice’s execution another shooting wouldn’t bother me as much. I mean it can’t get any harder than watching a 12-year-old boy in a playground alone being gunned down by the state. Until it did…
Every time I see the name Alton Sterling, I see my husband’s name. Every time I hear the name Alton Sterling, I hear my son’s name. Yes, the “S” stands for Sterling. I swore I would never watch another state-sanctioned execution after Tamar Rice but I couldn’t help it this time. I had to watch. I had to see the last minutes of this man’s life because he shares a name with the two of the men I love dearly.
So, I watched the video. I laced up my son’s shoes and sent him outside, so I could watch the video. I heard the gunshots and started to shake. I watched #AltonSterling‘s arm shake after he was shot and then I looked at his shoes. His shoes look like my son’s shoes. The shoes I laced up minutes prior to watching the video.
A man was murdered around the same time I was up changing my son’s sheets because he wet the bed. A man was murdered whose last name is the same as my son and husband’s first name. A man was murdered in the same type of shoes my son wore to ride his bike outside this evening during a break in the rain. A man was murdered by public servants that are supposed to protect us.
Now what? Is this going to be the death that breaks the proverbial camel’s back? Have enough Black and Brown people with #hashtags across their faces popped up on your newsfeed over the last two years for you to finally be ready to listen?
Maybe now you can hear us….
Can you hear us crying?
Can you hear our rage?
Can you hear our fear?
Can you hear our hushed tones at the dinner table discussing the latest state-sanctioned murder, while we try to shield our children from the reality of being Black in America?
Can you hear me when I tell you that white mom privilege is a thing?
Can you hear the children crying because their fathers are gone?
Can you hear the mothers and fathers weeping because their children are gone?
Can you hear me when I ask you to diversify your children’s bookshelves, so they see people who look like my family outside of the media?
Can you hear us when ask you to stop being silent at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner when your family or friends say prejudiced comments?
Can you hear me telling you that every time the news says Alton Sterling, I will hear my husband and son’s name?
Can you hear us, now?
If you can hear us, or you really want to hear us, please join me and other moms in our efforts to make a difference over at Raising an Advocate.
(This post originally ran on Mamademics)
About the author: Danielle Slaughter is a wife, mom, teacher, crafty mompreneur, and doctoral student, who encourages parents to raise social justice advocates. She shares her experience navigating motherhood while finding her place in the academy on Mamademics.com. Danielle is a graduate of the University of Michigan-Arbor and Georgia State University (GSU). She is a Detroit native currently residing in Atlanta with her husband, son, and pet turtle. Danielle is working on a doctorate in English at GSU and hopes to finish in 2017. She is a contributor for the Huffington Post, winner of Type-A Parent’s 2015 We Still Blog Awards, and a BlogHer ’16 VOTY honoree.
8 Comments
Why is my willingness to hear an entire story before I make harsh accusations in a country where you are innocent until proven guilty- unacceptable silence? So many people rush to judgement on all sides, say inflammatory things, label, accuse, demand. I want justice ANYTIME where wrong was done but we do NOT live in a society where we convict people based on videos, recordings, etc. alone. There is ALWAYS more to the story than the Monday morning QB knows. I hope and pray that justice is served on all fronts for all people. Why is that white privilege? I call that common sense and fairness. I find rushing to judgement reckless and dangerous. I served on a jury where one man brutally murdered another with DNA, shoe tread, and tons of other evidence. I still took it as my duty as a juror to make sure he was TRULY guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. I do not want to live in a society where anyone can take the law into their own hands with the exception of self defense or a society that tried to pressure others into making decisions prematurely. I find the videos VERY compelling and it would take some SERIOUS understanding on my part of why that level of force was needed in either situation and I grieve for those families, the same as I grieve for the families of the Dallas officers. I don’t CARE about their color, they are fellow Americas and wrong is wrong regardless of color. How do you know what I pray, grieve or wish for??? This approach is NOT helping me to respect or hear you. Treat others as you wish to be treated. EVIL will always be there in every race, color, culture. Labeling and demanding aren’t going to forward your agenda.
Nice tone policing you entitled slag! You people always want to “wait for the facts” and “check the victim’s background” before taking any action, and meanwhile rest on your laurels as a faux-activist.
You think these two victims (the black men, NOT the cops) had due process or were innocent until proven guilty? NOPE! They were murdered, until proven innocent of any action that may have threatened Barney Fife of the KKK precinct! How dare this author not politely educate the entitled elite on how race discussions should be done.
You’re giving us white folk a bad bad name in an already bad time!
No, I don’t hear you. Your words are condescending and hateful and unfortunately I’m unwilling to hear you because of it. It seems akin to reasoning with a toddler having a tantrum. Your assumptions about me as a white woman are wrong. Any privilege I MAY have is earned through hard work and because I conform to the law. Like you I also worry about my husband and sons. I DO talk to my sons (and daughter) about what to do when stopped by the police. They’re not even teens yet but they have been instructed to obey an officer’s commands, even if they believe the officer is wrong. I also don’t let them roam the streets, and I refuse to buy them toy guns that resemble real guns because I would hate for there to be a misunderstanding about that in the split second an officer has to decide. And the thing is you would never hear of it. It would not be newsworthy. There would not be a $5 million payout, no protest, not even a hashtag. I would be called a horrible mother for gambling with my kid’s safety.
Your statement that my father, husband and sons are killing your father, husband and sons are just inflammatory and not based on facts. It troubles me that you do not have the same rage to confront the black on black crime. It appears that a black life only matters if he is killed by a white cop. I know that is not true but seriously where is the outrage? The death of the little boy in Chicago that was lured into an alley and shot dead in the street by his father’s gang rival was no less tragic than the guy shot dead by the police. Or was it?
I am a proponent of justice. I’m just as interested to learn why deadly force was used by the police as I am to learn why common sense wasn’t used by the noncompliant felon in possession of a gun. And while you did mention there is an open carry law, the fact that he was a felon and not allowed to own a gun was not mentioned.
If you want me to truly hear your message, you will need to change your approach. And your arrogance is appalling. Not every thing is about the color of your skin. I don’t care what color you are, I dislike assholes equally. I will invite whomever I please to Thanksgiving and we’ll decide what we talk about. Probably same at your table. My children’s book choices? Whatever interests them or whatever is assigned at school.
If you were honest with yourself, you would see that we are much more alike than you would like to believe. But since my husband is a white police officer working in one of the most crime-ridden, predominately black city in the country I guess you and I must be enemies.
This week was horrible for police officers and their families too. But, my husband put on his uniform today and stood outside in the sweltering heat to provide protection for the protestors during their march.
Ahh yes, we go from tone policing to the standard “black on black violence being ignored” drivel. Hey sweetheart, how do YOU know there aren’t protests and community movements when black on black crime occurs? Have YOU been to the South Side to witness these activities? I guess not, you remain comfortable in your Stepford white suburb as you warn your poor crotch fruit about “those other kids”.
Oh, and great job derailing from the author’s comments by mentioning the slain officers. That’s your standard argument for anyone who has suffered from violence: why oh why will nobody think about the poor policemen?
I have news for you honey, blue lives don’t matter a damn bit to me. You claim to dislike all assholes, well why should I care about pigs like your husband? After all, they are merely civil servants. But hmm.. aren’t comptrollers, garbage men, and paramedics also considered civil servants? Why aren’t THEIR lives equally as important as your gun toting husband? I think that all civil servant lives matter!
I am a New Zealand women living in Australia, what can I do? How can I help? I am sickened by this, but don’t know how to support you. I have discussed these shootings with my own boys, we are all shocked and saddened, but beyond our empathy in another nation, how can we help?
Well, this being Blunt Moms, I guess this would be the appropriate place for me to post my two cents. Are white people silent? No, I hear plenty. Do blacks and white listen to each other? No. And there is the problem.
I’ve been listening and reading and watching. Everyone wants an excuse instead of responsibility. Do whites get shot by police? Yes, statistically this year, more whites than blacks. In fact, the FBI reported that more blacks are murdered by blacks than by the police. It would take 40 years to equal the number of blacks killed by police than by their own race.
So what are you asking? You’re asking that when the police have to wrestle someone to the ground who is illegally carrying a gun (Sterling was on probation for multiple offenses and therefore it was not legal for him to have a gun on him) that what? WHAT? The police NOT shoot? They are worried about their own life too!!
I saw a meme on the internet the other day depicting black parents talking to their son, coaching him how to come home alive. Teaching him, before he experiences it himself because they know he’s going to experience prejudice anyway, that “even though it isn’t right, put your hands up when the police ask.” Maybe this is the difference? As a white child, I was taught respect for the police. If I am pulled over in my car, to keep both hands on the steering wheel until the officer approaches my car. To obey his commands because he might even be nervous too. Am I to trust the police blindly? Of course not! I was also taught to pull my car over in a well lit public area, to slow my speed if it takes awhile to find this location. If I have a gun, I tell the officer right away. If I’m told to stop and put my hands up, that’s what you do. It isn’t wrong for any race! Why would you tell your child that obeying a police officer is wrong? I know the officer has a gun. I would like him not to use it on me so I’m going to protect myself. Do I think because I am white that the officer won’t think twice to shoot me if I point a gun at him? I don’t think white privilege extends that far.
If you honestly want to hear from the white side, I certainly cannot speak for anyone but myself. But I get angry when the black community gets more outraged from a criminal wrestling with police getting shot than their own children (who you spoke of) getting shot by stray bullets within their own homes from people in their own community. I see the candles and the tears at the vigils afterward but where is the anger?!
“More blacks are killed by blacks and more whites are killed by whites, than either group killed by the police.”
I’m so sick of this all the way around. Everyone stop it now! We are more alike than different. Darker people think I should be SO concerned about your men- yet you are not concerned about men men in ANY way, shape or form- let’s be honest. My son was late to work this morning because of ‘protests’ in Philly. Why are they not at work? oh yeah- we support them with our hard earned money that is taxed out the wazzou because we now live in an entitlement state where people- usually with more melanin in their skin- get these freebie with out working for them. To be honest- this all sickens me- and I no longer even bother to read or watch these stories unfold. The victim- usually has been involved in crime before- and maybe the cops aren’t honest, but maybe they are and we dont know the whole story. As the other poster wrote- if it was someone in my family and the cop was darker skinned- its true. You would not hear about it, there would be no settlement, etc. I am seriously sick of this. And even though I am ashamed OUR country is headed this way, I am starting to ignore it.
I am white and am privileged. This is what I was born into it. I think all these a**hole comments with their tired arguments perfectly reflect what your point is. We don’t know. Because of the lives we were born into, we can’t know what black people, men, go through. I f*&%ing hate the “why don’t you work harder and have respect for police” stupid bullsh%t argument too. I have what I have not because I somehow worked harder than people who grew up in low-income neighborhoods and work low-wage jobs, but because I’m fing lucky to have been born into a high-earning family that paid for my college, bought me a car, bailed me out when I was a f*ck up teenager, loaned me money for a downpayment on a house. It’s ridiculous how easy I’ve had it. I had the hand-ups and hand outs that millions don’t have in America. There is no American Dream, self-made man, you make your own choices in life, etc.. What a bunch of shit. If you are born with more, you will have more. If you are born with less, then it’s not as simple as “just working hard” to get out of it. But it’s not just an economic thing. Time and time again you see, if you bother to read, upper class people of color being targeted at vastly higher rates than people with my skin tone. I’ve never been afraid of police. But I realize that that’s not because I’m a law-abiding citizen; it’s because I’m white. It’s tragic. I think it’s important for white people to at least recognize this instead of victim blaming people they don’t know, but I don’t know where to go from here. I’ll start with the suggestions of having diverse books in my house for my child. I will try to expose my child to many different cultures and people through travel and in my city. I’m sorry I’m not doing better. I recognize that screaming at the news on my radio, tv, or computer doesn’t actually cause change, though that seems to be our default. I am saddened by these lost lives. It makes me sick.