Word on the street is the advisory committee to the Food and Drug Administration favoured approval of the drug, Flibanserin, for women who lack sex drive. Specifically, the drug treats a lack of libido that is thought to affect between 5.5 million and 8.6 million US women.

This little pink pill is touted as being the biggest breakthrough for women since the Pill.

If you are a mother, it’s easy to see how one’s sex drive could wane (read: disappear) through the child rearing years. Children are not an ingredient in the recipe of sexy time. As such, I thought of a couple additional options partners could use to help a woman’s sex drive return, no medication needed.

1. Admire her post-motherhood boobs like they are her pre-motherhood boobs. Regardless of whether she breastfed or not, her tatas have expanded and retracted with every pregnancy and likely resemble a pair of elf shoes.

2. Get up in the middle of the night and feed the baby. Slip quietly out and back into bed without a peep, grunt, fart, or yawn.

3. Train all of the children to sleep past 5am. Bonus blowjob in store if they sleep past 8am.

4. Tell her she is beautiful. Even if she has boogers (that are not her own) on her sweater and her hair resembles a member of Twisted Sister.

5. Let her win some arguments. Even if you are certain your way of loading the dishwasher is superior to hers.

6. Do the laundry. Let me rephrase; do your children’s laundry. Don’t be stingy with the stain remover and please remember they have yet to master the art of wiping.

7. Plan a night out for her and her girlfriends. Gossip and wine = foreplay you don’t need to be present for.

8. Attend a choir concert on your own. Flip the channel to Bravo and gather all additional children on your way out the door.

9. Don’t use hurtful words like “try this kale” or “drug free labour.”

10. Don’t ever, under any circumstance, ask her if she wants to watch golf.

11. Take care to clean stray pubes from your designated manscaping area of the bathroom.

12. Volunteer to clean up poop for the day. This goes for baby poop, toddler poop, dog poop and hamster poop. Make all of the poop disappear. Be the David Copperfield of poop.

13. Master the art of a neck massage that lasts more than 3 minutes.

14. Master the art of sexual intercourse than lasts less than 3 minutes.

15. Locate your child’s booger wall in your home and clean it without being asked.

16. Schedule her for an all-day spa session. In the Bahamas.

17. Plan a date night to the movies. Two words: Channing Tatum.

18. Take your wife’s side in an argument with your mother.

19. Match up all the stray socks in the laundry room. Slowly…..real slow while she watches.

20. Wine. All of the wine.

See now, that’s just as easy as filling a prescription, isn’t it?

Julie Scagell
Author

Julie has a Masters degree in Psychology, which has proved useless in trying to understand her teenaged daughter. She has the attention span of a gnat, zero sense of direction and loses at least 3 things every day. Except for a minor situation at a county fair, her children are not on the short list of items she’s lost. She is extremely proud of this. You can find her writing on Facebook or Twitter. She has been published on the Washington Post, Babble, McSweeney’s, Scary Mommy, and Huffington Post, among others.

2 Comments

  1. Jill Gross Reply

    “Be the David Copperfield of poop” = genius! So funny.

    This was such treat to read, Julie. I this article in my “every woman really needs a wife” data file. Hope you don’t mind.

    PS: Will you marry me?

  2. Jill Gross Reply

    “Be the David Copperfield of poop” = genius! So funny.

    This was such treat to read, Julie. I saved this article in my “proof that every woman really needs a wife” data folder. Hope you don’t mind.

    PS: Will you marry me?

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