There are a few things when you become a parent that make you sit down and go “What the crap is this?!” — okay, so MORE than a few things. Okay, pretty much everything.
But I’m sure you can all agree with me that those passing fads, which happen to cost way more than they should, always seem to be a “must have” item right before Christmas fall squarely onto that list. No, not his list, the other list. The “What the crap is this?” List.
One of those things, in my opinion, is a stuffed toy that comes with a book. It is all the rage with the “in it to win it” crowd of parenting. You know what I’m talking about! The Elf on A Shelf!
When I first saw this terrifying little havoc-wreaker I was, for a moment, bemused. “So, let me get this straight, first we tell the kids that this tiny thing is stalking them and reporting back to a higher power, then we tell them the behave or else, and THEN we allow them to see the tiny thing getting into all sorts of trouble which is somehow both amusing and not-at-all annoying to clean up. Hmm. okay.”
Then the pinterest boards started flooding through my feed. Tiny elf-people sitting in bowls of cereal, hiding behind the toilet with the paper all askew, getting into the dog food, and all of the Moms are gleefully commenting “har har har isn’t it so cute?” and trying to out-elf each other.
Hmm. (Pause for dramatic effect here.)
Here are just a FEW of the issues with the Dumb Shelf Elf:
1. We spend all damn day telling our kids to clean up after themselves, then somehow when the lights go out and the kids go to bed we think it’s A-okay to make the mess ourselves and blame it on a magical elf-creature. Sure.
2. When the children eventually find out that the elf was just another one of our evil parental rouses to convince them to behave, how do you think they’re gonna feel?
3. This takes work. Actual work. And THEN it’s not good enough just to throw the thing in a dog bowl and call it a day, we actually have to put thought and effort into how little “Sparkle” or “Glitzen” or “WhatTheShit” is going to get into some mischief tonight. For 25-30 consecutive days!
4. Six Words: Making More Messes To Clean Up!
5. 90% of the “fun” of this is actually had by the parents, not the kids. Okay, maybe 80% and that’s only if making messes and then cleaning up after yourself while blaming it on a toy is fun for you.
6. This thing costs roughly $40!!! Do you know how many bottles of cheap vodka I could buy for forty dollars?!
7. Have you seen the cold dead stare in the eyes of these things? They’re just a wee bit terrifying, and probably tracked by the NSA (just sayin’!)
I just have one thing to say to the conglomerate toy manufacturer(s) who dreamt up this “must have” product: Go Elf your Shelf!
13 Comments
What a great Christmas-related thing I don’t have to do! The idea seems kind of weird anyway. And as we travel for Christmas we certainly won’t be doing more work than necessary. Super funny Christella, love it!
Finally, the voice of reason!
Another reason I am off the Pinterest. And $ 40? No.
The “In it to Win It” Parenting crowd. Tee hee. My mom is 75, too late for her to join?
My sister in law asked me if she could get us one for my boys! I swore at her (in a nice way) and said NO!! Ain’t got time for that!!
Great post and I am so glad that there are others that feel like this!! Thank you!!!
How did I miss this coming out even when I knew you were writing it?! Love it.
I love elf on the shelf and think if you don’t like it don’t participate! In my house the elf doesn’t hid but brings a bit of Christmas magic. My children love it! Its not a way to control them or create a mess but rather a fun activity that my kids look forward to every year!!
Please do not come by my gigs where I am dressing as Grammie Elf and reading traditional books including yes Elf on the Shelf, er um, unless you are bringing that bottle of vodka that you bought instead of the gift pack. Preferably potato based since I have celiac and preferably in a tea cup, since it’s so much daintier than a mug.
Ba humbug to you. First the black friday post now this? I think you need to look on the bright side of things. That is all.
The bright side is nowhere near as funny though, so there is that.
I’ve been doing the elf for my kids long before the craze started; they love it and I like crafting the backstory of “Finn” for them (and me!). It takes about 10 minutes of brainstorming in late November, and approximately 4 minutes per night to “set up”, if that. So, 106 minutes over a month. I’m pretty sure that my kids (and my own entertainment) are worth that 1.5 hours spent over 25 days…Probably about how long it takes to craft an attempt at a funny blog post.
#6 – Most excellent point! Great post!
LOL These responses are hilarious! 😛
Don’t know what you are missing ! All my kids love “sparkle’s ” arrival and are beaming from ear to ear while they look for her each morning . The $40 ( best $ I ever spent ) , short time it takes is worth all the smiles . I have no doubt my girls will carry this tradition on when they have a family of their own .
Scrap the vodka , enjoy some innocent family holiday fun !!