I Hate When My Daughter Calls Me By My First Name

Dads are great for many reasons.

They carry kids on their shoulders to show them a higher perspective of life. They introduce their children to gymnastics and similar activities that teach them the monkey moves they use to jump and run around the house. Their warm Dad arms serve as a nest for kids to escape and ignore their angry moms.

And they also contribute to speech development, teaching them all the good words.

So thanks to some coaching from my husband, my daughter decided to make use of my first name.

While some parents consider the idea of being called by their first names as a fun game (i.e., my husband), for me it was the opposite, and I’m going to be very blunt here, I hate it.

Well, not entirely because the way she says it is absolutely cute, and she likes the sound of it so much she keeps repeating it over and over again, and I find it cuter each time.

But cuteness aside, I hate when she calls me by my first name.

Why?

To start with, everyone on this planet gets to call me by my first name. There is nothing exquisite about it. But not many people get to call me mommy, and that’s something I hold onto.

It’s sweet, it’s cute and it makes me feel great. It’s like a parenting bundle.

Call it selfishness. Call it egocentrism. It doesn’t really matter.

I like to hear my daughter call me mommy and I’d like to keep it that way.

But that’s not the only reason I don’t want my daughter to call me by my first name. The real reason is… more rational: I’m not my daughter’s friend, I’m her mom. Those are two completely different worlds.

Here are some facts that distinguish motherhood from friendship: the responsibility to raise a little girl and turn her into a decent adult, the fact that this little person depends on me to be happy, other details like vomit and diapers.

Truth is, when a friend rushes to you in the middle of the night to support you in the best way possible, that’s considered great loyalty. But if a mom wakes up at night to ensure her kids are sleeping well, whether sick or not, there is nothing exquisite about it. It’s part of her job description.

The way I see it, friendship is selective, earned. It is based on an unspoken agreement between two people who willingly decide to do things together – and who can share great moments if both know how to take care of this relationship.

When I’m with my daughter, I don’t look for mutual fun but rather what makes her happy. Having said that, I don’t see myself as fitting in the friend category with my daughter.

In the parenting world, this translates to being a mean mom, which is probably the case, and I’m absolutely fine with it. My daughter can get promoted to become my friend (or even my best-friend) when our relationship switches gears from ‘Because I said so’ to ‘You’re finally listening to me’.

Friendship is the bonus of maturity. No maturity, no friendship in a mom-daughter relationship.

My feminine intuition tells me this won’t happen before she turns 25! It would probably hit by the time she graduates from college, experiences the real world (professionally, romantically, etc.) and we finally get to speak the same language.

Until then, I’ll remain ‘mommy’ (or probably just mom by the time she turns 10 onward), she will remain my baby, and we will enjoy the next 23 years as such.

About the author: Ghada Karam is an inexperienced first time mom who mainly gossips about her toddler’s tantrums. She thinks that tantrums are great, as they spice-up her day. She is an expat. who lives in Bangkok with her husband and two year old daughter. You can find her latest gossip on Confidential Mommy Talks or socialize with her on the Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.