I love Prom Season!!! So fun to see all kids dressed up in the latest formal-wear fashions. However, as I scan pictures posted on social media, I can’t help but wonder “Why is everyone protecting their privates in prom pictures?? Why does everyone have their hands folded in front of their crotch? What does she have going on under that dress that can’t be captured on film??”

I want to shout my PSA from the high school loudspeaker, “AVOID THE ADAM AND EVE POSE!!!” I have never seen a “crotch-cover” shot in a fashion nor bridal magazine, ever. I cannot imagine any photographer saying “Son, tilt your head to the right, and you, Young Lady, lower your bouquet a bit so that it’s centered just over your va-ja-jay”.

Don’t misunderstand me, there are many activities where protecting your privates is preferred. Horseback riding, biking, contact sports and of course premarital sex. But never, ever, is a wristlet nor nosegay needed to protect the family jewels in formal picture. After all this is not the Garden of Eden, it’s a prom in a hotel ballroom.

While we’re on the topic, um, lose the fish face. You don’t look hot sweetie, you just look a bit disturbed.

Which brings be to the mouth-wide-open-tongue-hanging-out pose. Really? Your parents coughed up all that cash for an up-do, makeup session, maybe even a limo and you decide to look like my preschooler’s favorite face in holiday photos??

Let’s not forget underwear. Please, wear some. Preferably the right kind. The picturesque sun setting in the backyard as well as the extreme lighting used by the prom photographer are sure to make your dress a bit see through. Pair mid-thigh Spanx with some sticky boobs and you are good to go. Tonight is not the night to go commando!

Remember, for a picture-perfect evening, keep your condoms in the car,  birth control pills in your purse and for God’s sake, stand up straight and rest your flowers lightly on your hip. Now smile nicely and say “Cheese!”

 

About the author: Laura Buchinsky is a part-time Resume Writer and Zumba and Barre Instructor as well as a stay at home mom of three girls.  Humor keeps me sane. Follow her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/laura.buchinsky

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