Dear Jennifer,

In light of the recent news regarding your divorce from Ben, I want to tell you how sorry I am. I’m sorry you have to make a private matter public in order to help squash the speculation. Not that explaining the details to the media is going to help. Their intense scrutiny is laser focused on you and your soon-to-be ex husband. Obviously I don’t know what it’s like to go through a divorce so publicly, but I do know how it feels to split when there are kids involved. I’m not gonna sugar coat this.

It fucking sucks ass.

Sorry for the language but ‘fuck’ is the only way to adequately describe the horror movie currently unfolding in your life.

I always admired you and Ben. I liked how you handled yourselves in public. I liked the intimacy you seemed to share and the love you showed one another. After 10 years of marriage I thought you guys might be one of the lucky couples to escape the grief of divorce. You seemed happy.

From the outside at least.

I observed your transparency and vulnerability as a woman and mom. You would hit up the playgrounds, and enjoy time with your kids, ignoring the cameras. You seemed genuinely in love with your husband.

I admired your work as both an actress and a mother. Personally I think you are setting an example to your kids that passion for a career can be a good thing.

I appreciate the fact you wear t-shirts and messy pony tails. I cheered when you came out and declared your post-partum tummy was a permanent part of your make up.

I don’t envy all the swirling rumors and attacks that may attempt to demean you as a woman. I’m sure you’re used to the cattiness of Hollywood but I would imagine it to be hurtful and violating.

More than ever, your kids need you. You issued a statement saying that you and Ben plan to co-parent. I hope you can make that a reality and Ben will support you in that decision. Your divorce obviously will affect your children, but moving forward with their best interests at the forefront will help them navigate through these tumultuous waters.

I guess the thing I want to share with you is whether you realize it or not, your kids are watching. They will observe how you interact with their dad. They will notice if you speak ill of him. They remember stuff like that. Remind them often how much you and Ben love them.

Obviously I don’t know the innermost parts of your situation and I don’t need to. I only know that going through divorce is one of the most life altering events one can endure. I hope that you will find support and compassion from others as you walk this path.

Sending love from a fellow divorced mom,
Jessica

P.S. I loved you in Juno.

Author

Jessica is a wannabe urban homesteader, living in Portland with her blended family of 4 kids, 3 rescue dogs and 4 chickens named after Starbucks drinks. A former pharmacy student, Jessica decided she like baking better than drugs so went to pastry school instead. Described by her friend as a "Feminist Jedi Master", Jessica can be found spreading 'peace and wisdom' over at her blog, The Dalai Mama, at www.travelingmercies-jessica.blogspot.com

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