My children have attended countless birthday parties for which I am constantly scrambling to put together a birthday present, get children to said party not looking homeless, and engaging in small talk with other parents at drop off. For every one of those parties, we have maybe gotten two thank you cards. Clearly we are moving into an era where making your children write to another person with a paper and pencil is a thing of the past.

My offspring, though, are not that lucky. They will be writing thank you cards until either they move out of my house or we stop making paper and pencils.

Let me be clear. The process of making them write thank you cards is far, far from enjoyable for me. First we start with the initial protest of being much too busy annoying the hell out of their siblings to write a thank you card. To which I reply, “You will not spend a penny of the money from grandma until I see the thank you card.” My children know that I am good on my word and would happily write a thank you to grandma and spend their cash.

Once they are engaged in the writing, there is moaning about how many sentences (at least three and thank you doesn’t get to be the first and last sentence.) They will look at the list of all they need to write to and will hang their heads in desperation.

Finally, they get writing. I’ll admit that one of my children is a freak of nature and once started loves to write thank you notes. She will often write full paragraphs and then draw cute pictures of puppies and rainbows. These sweet notes are placed next to her brother’s sentences in which the receiver could probably see the blood, sweat, and tears splattering the page (sometimes with a wine spill from me).

I feel like I’ve run a marathon after we have finished this process. Often times it takes us days to complete it, and I know that the recipients are probably going to read it once and throw it in the garbage.

Why then am I insistent on this? It’s not about manners because I allow poop humor at my dining room table. Traditional is probably the last word I was use to describe me, and I’m happy looking half dysfunctional so it’s not out of competitiveness.

The reason- my children are beyond spoiled. They are spoiled with gifts, with love, and with attention. They need nothing, yet gracious people in their lives continue to show that they love and care for them by giving them holiday and birthday presents. These thank you notes are one way for me to demonstrate how important it is that my children appreciate the kindness around them. To take a moment and think about the piles of toys they have at home and to be grateful for all that they have.

Do I think my children get this message every time? No way, but you better believe I’m sitting next to them harping explaining why they are so lucky. They are going to learn to show thanks for what they have, and that responsibility rests on my shoulders. It might kill me in the process, but expect those thank you letters.

 

About the author: Sam Grant is trying her best to raise three future contributing members to society, and manages with a handful of chocolate chips and a sprinkle of sarcasm. She fills her time in her day job writing academic research and evaluation reports. Twitter: @WriteonGrant

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2 Comments

  1. My kids write ‘Thank you’ cards for Christmas gifts and birthday gifts from family and non-school friends, but not to school friends yet. I send thank yous to their school friends parents by email. I am sure this will change as they get older, but don’t assume that this isn’t common practice and that lots of kids write thank yous.

  2. Completely agree with you. My son just celebrated his Bar Mitzvah and within two weeks of the event – every thank you note was written (sometimes 2 and 3 times after “mom” inspection) and mailed. I’m still waiting for thank you notes from brides and grooms for presents I sent them over a year ago.

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