It’s 2018 and I am officially insane. Self-diagnosis, so it’s undeniably legit.

We all know that definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different outcome.

For over a year now I’ve been hoping desperately that each vile comment that comes out of President Trump’s mouth will the last such vile comment. I’ve been hoping that his daughter would have pulled him aside with a “Seriously, Dad?” Or a cabinet member would have blurted out at a meeting, “Really?? That’s enough!” Or that his chief of staff, behind closed doors after a press conference would have looked him square in the face and said, “What the actual fuck? You’ve got to stop this now.”

Nope.
Nope.
And nope.

Well, this insane Mom has had enough. On behalf of all the other similarly insane Moms in America, I am sending out a heartfelt apology to the world. As any mother who has ushered kids through the tween and early teen years can attest: Our President is an actual middle-schooler.

Those years -and those kids- are THE. WORST.

More incomprehensible than the colic-y infants. More exasperating than the terrible two and three-year olds. Middle schoolers are rude, egomaniacal, petty, narcissistic, mad at the world in general, and have no impulse control.  They are bullies with infinitesimal empathy and no filter – it’s a truly terrifying and fucked up set of skills.

And we have one sitting in the Oval Office.

When my own kids were in middle school, I felt like I should have walked around every day wearing a shirt that said “SORRY- they’re kinda assholes right now” on the front, and on the back, “Don’t listen to them. Don’t speak to them. Don’t even make eye contact with them.”  That’s basically the message I’d like to tell the rest of the world right now.

Can the U.N just put America in a time-out for the next 3 years? Can we have our phone and video games taken away? Our Twitter account deleted ASAP? Can we just be told, “Come back and join the rest of the world when you can speak with maturity and respect.”

Global community, we know you’re all tired of this crap too. The Moms I know didn’t raise their kids to be rude, insensitive and racist. Those of us who have tried our best to raise decent and kind human beings are horrified, and extremely sorry that a middle-schooler is now in charge, and embarrasses us on a weekly basis. (I won’t even get into the whole nuclear weapons facet of the situation.)

Like a typical Mom, I wish I could say, “Have patience- he’ll grow out of this phase soon enough.” But I’m now unequivocally certain it’s too late for any such transformation. Our President seems to be permanently stuck in the proverbial shithole of middle school, and we’re all along for the foul-smelling and angst filled ride.

Go on with your lives and check back with us in late 2020. In the meantime, we’ll be frantically searching for our next leader. One who is an actual adult.

And please, please – do not hold us accountable for our Middle Schooler in Chief.

 

Marybeth Bock, MPH, is Mom to two adult-ish kids and 1 delightful dog. She lives in Arizona, teaches Health and Wellness classes, and thoroughly enjoys research and writing – as long as iced coffee is involved. You can find her writing on Grown and Flown, Blunt Moms, and on random scraps of paper around her house.

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