I’ve had this conversation with enough women to know that this condition needs a name. You may notice it at different times in your pregnancy whether you’re sitting down for a well deserved pee or working away on the computer. It may even take a few times before you really start to wonder what in the hell is going on. Finally you ask yourself the question that has been forming in the back of your mind, ‘What in god’s name is that smell?’ You might look around for the offending object- check the trash, the person beside you… you might even take your shoes off to smell your feet. Slowly it dawns on you.
Vagina. It’s your Vagina.
Upon realizing that your pregnant lady bits have acquired a new and robust scent you take stock. Shower? Check. Bladder leakage? Not yet. Infection? According to Web MD, no…
At this point, you might be wondering if you do have an infection, so you Google vagina +odor +pregnancy + infection. To your horror, you find a whole host of gnarly facts covering an array of pregnancy crotch scenarios. Could it be from copious amounts of beastly crotch sweat? Can the source be traced back to a wiping mishap? It’s front to back, people. With a sigh of resignation you chalk it up to hormones and sweat, vowing to carry wipes in your purse from here forward.
Time goes on, you grow used to your new scent and your concern begins to fade. You go about life in a miserable pregnancy fog, waiting for the birth of the monster growing inside you. Maternity leave beckons to you and you scramble to prepare your co-workers for your absence. Training the new girl who will take over your duties is no easy task; you spend hours together…
The two of you are sitting at your computer, working away and you uncross your legs to adjust your giant, sweating body. New girl gasps and utters the words you’ve been dreading; “Ugh! What’s that smell?” You slowly turn your head to face the most frightening question you’ve ever been asked and prepare to out your vagina.
The words stick in your throat at the sight of her face, scrunched up, staring at you and waiting for an answer. You freeze, die on the inside and lie your ass off. “Oh, um, gross, I, ah think I have something rotten in my trash can”.
SWEET BABY JESUS, SHE CAN SMELL MY PREGNANT VAGINA ODOR!
Fatigued and shaking from squeezing the gates of hell shut for the remainder of the training session, you call your husband to tell hem that something died in your vagina, and you think you might be rotting inside. He urges you to calm down, and call your doctor. He also takes this opportunity to remind you that in addition to smelling your PVO your doctor will smell the poop that evacuates your body during childbirth.
For some reason, this has a calming effect on you so you head to the bathroom and attack the enemy with wipes. PVO may have won on this day, but you’ll be damned if your vag will be running this show. Armed with your weapons you hold your head high and dawn your inner warrior. Pregnancy Vagina Odor is an admirable component, but no match for a desperate pregnant lady.
(This post originally ran on Totally Inappropriate Mom.)