Things can change so much over the course of a single human generation. It gives me hope for the world.
My Grandparents and Parents were intolerant of people who were different, and had old world views about people from different cultures, who had a skin colour that wasn’t white, and who were gay. The saving grace is that I know of a number of gay people who were in our family circle, and nobody realized it, they just couldn’t see it.
Flash forward to my younger years. In university, I had gay friends, punk rocker friends, flexisexual lovers and everybody, male and female, wore eyeliner. I held friends as they wept with deep grief when they tried to come out to their families and their world exploded. I knew that would have been my fate if I was gay and told my family.
Nobody “different” would be tolerated. My family even warned me not to date the black guy in town. WTF? Of course I dated him… first thing I did was make damned sure I found out why this would be so bad. It wasn’t bad, turns out he was an asshole, but that isn’t about colour.
Now I have children. My eldest child and her friend decided that when they get to high school they want to be sure to have at least one gay friend. When asked why, my girl replied “because they are so much more fun than other people”. I smiled and had to agree with that one.
We explored the conversation quite a bit. I had to explain to my gobsmacked child that often in high school somebody who is gay will likely hide it. She couldn’t understand that. I explained that many of their parents might hold a dim view of homosexuality, and that they may not feel safe to come out, heck they may not even have fully figured it out yet.
Then she asked “how do they know?”.
(Sidebar: can you picture the quagmire I had waded into on that day? Picture Mom pouring herself a little snifter to try to explain the fundamental ignorance of homophobes)
I explained that currently, at her age, she is pretty comfortable around girls, but boys make her giggle and nervous? She agreed. Well, if you are gay, you are probably more nervous around your own gender because that is who you will eventually be attracted to as you grow up.
We also agreed that if she met somebody living openly gay in high school that she should respect them for being brave and for living honestly. I also suggested that she be a good friend to that kid.
We decided that the predisposition to loving show tunes made some of Mommy’s gay friends even more fabulous.
End of conversation – mothering level MASTER achieved.
8 Comments
I love you Magnolia:)
Well you all know our passion for all things GLEE so obviously we are an embracing duo and I can guarantee that we are raising a generation of kids that either like or dislike people based on their character. Our little GLEEKS will lead the way!
I have a feeling that the fabulous on Glee has changed the world. The episode where Kurt did “all the single ladies” shifted the universe. Bring on more rainbows I say!
Mother of the year! Gay friends are more fun #itsafact
It sure is different.
For me it was more about ignorance than intolerance. I’m not sure that I knew that people were gay until high school. I guess that had something to do with the lack of acceptance.
Like the previous commenter, I too hope that my kids will embrace people for all that they have to offer.
We’re all different yet we’re all the same. We all bleed.
You are so right. We all share life experiences that bind us together, and as Moms we share so many of the same hopes for our kids.
Love it. And your daughter is absolutely right. They are fun. And they make such great shopping companions, too!
If my kid doesn’t turn out to be the most openminded kiddo on the planet, I’m going to be sorely disappointed in myself. He should be preserving all his rage for evil corporations, junk food, and despotic governments.
Thanks for the kind comment. I have worked really hard to block out the messages of hate and intolerance that is common in parts of society where we live. My children have an understanding that people come in different colours, different orientations and different body types. For them, mistreating somebody for being gay would be as stupid as shunning somebody who has eyes that are not the colour of their own. We have made it.