I used to be fairly accepting of the “short-comings” that sometimes existed in my potential suitors.

Now in my 30’s I feel like it’s nonsense that I have to be ashamed to admit what everyone else is already thinking.

Size matters!  I know what I enjoy, and I know what gets me off.  Sorry; not sorry.

I’ve learned over the course of time that if there is a lack of sexual chemistry, it doesn’t matter what else he has to offer; the friend zone is inevitable.

It’s not shallow, my intention is not to shatter anyone’s delicate ego. It’s not his fault.  I’m not implying that you must be hung like Ron Jeremy to please a partner. (Millennials feel free to consult the Google.)   You should be able to admit to yourself that you are going to have to make a little extra effort because of your lack of girth or length; it’s on you to make those reparations.  I wish there was a way to know what you’re getting yourself into before the pants come off.   How do you turn back from that?  Pants go down and you’re like “Ok I just dried up like the Sahara, break out the lube,” or you’re in some sort of inverted position where you aren’t able to get a good look so instead the anticipation builds up even more than the first thrust… facepalm.

I really am a good person, I swear!  I’m just trying to help!

Don’t worry.  I’m not going to go on without offering some solutions.  My beef is not with the guys who have no control over their anatomy.  It’s with society making women like me feel like heartless sluts when it comes to this topic.  If you’re not trying to procreate, there is only one reason to get it on and that’s to have an orgasm.  I’m not talking about a little tiny firecracker-gasm, I’m talking about a mind-blowing, knock me into your headboard until I see God, orgasm.  I’ve done the procreating thing.  I’ve done the faking it thing.  I’ve done the tolerance thing. Make it happen, dude.  You’re just as responsible for making the sex amazing as we are.  Fellow females!  I’m looking at you, too.  We’re too old for the dead fish bit.  Make. An. Effort.   #getyourshittogether

How about some Do’s and Don’ts.

Do have the STD conversation, beforehand.  We’re adults here, this should be a non-issue, its common sense.

Do have text sex.  It inspires creativity, builds anticipation and is such a turn on.  Describe the feelings, talk about the body parts, what will it sound like?  What’s the rhythm like?  Use words like “Hard, sweet, wet, deep, thrust, ride and pulse.”  Ahem…just a few ideas.

Do make an effort to be a good kisser.  This sets the stage.  It can build anticipation, or it can kill the mood on the spot.  Good luck with your blue balls if you can’t kiss.

Tongue is imperative, but there’s only one place that I want you to flick your tongue relentlessly and it’s not in my mouth.  Massage my tongue to start, nice, slow and soft.  As things intensify, you go with the flow.  Don’t lick my face, it’s fucking rude.

Note:  There is no such thing as too much nipple play.

Don’t push anything that the other person says they don’t enjoy.  Anal for example.  It’s not a “challenge accepted” sort of scenario.  Leave it alone.

Do follow instructions.  If your partner is telling you what they like, LISTEN!  We should all be so lucky.  If your partner is asking you to go harder, deeper, slower, give their neck a little nibble or pull their hair, do it.  It’s not disrespectful, it will not affect your chivalrous nature or your manners.  You’re trying to get each other’s bodies to quiver in ecstasy, not throw a Tupperware Party.  THIS is a challenge accepted kind of moment.

Do finish your partner off orally if something happens downtown that prevents them from finishing.  Not doing so, or at least offering, is and should be frowned upon.

Do not cum on your partner without discussing it.  If you want to pull-out and you’re not wearing a condom, ok, that’s your prerogative. Going from feeling your partner’s body writhing in perfect harmony with yours when you’re both on the cusp of explosive, physical elation to being soaked in sticky warm goo while he jerks off with his eyes closed… epic fail of monstrous proportions.  Read that again.  EPIC. FAIL.  Some people love this!  Awesome.  Make sure that’s the case before you just go ahead and shoot your load all over the 800 thread counts.  There are millions of men and women that will back me up on this.

To me, sex is a way of connecting on such a personal level that it needs to be enjoyed by both sides.  There needs to be trust, consideration, and open-mindedness. Consenting adults should not be chastised for their personal preferences.  Instead, it should be celebrated.  Be safe.  Be honest.  Be carnal.  You are in control, so have fun with it and tell God I said hello when you get yours.

You’re welcome.

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Wannabe's are Guest Authors to BLUNTmoms. They might be one-hit wonders, or share a variety of posts with us. They "may" share their names with you, or they might write as "anonymous" but either way, they are sharing their stories and their opinions on our site, and for that we are grateful.

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