I’ll be the first to tell you that my divorce was a necessity. You can only push a dead marriage so far with sheer force of will before your mind and body give out. After ten years of losing myself, I probably even needed my attorney to avoid being completely steamrolled. However, once it was over, I had to confront the fact that my lawyer had not been quite the savior in Chanel that I thought she was. Like everyone else, she had her own agenda. She was just better at hiding it. Here are five dangerous lies your divorce attorney will tell you:

1. Our goal is to make this process as easy as possible.”
The first lie you are going to get coming through the door is a blatant play on your vulnerabilities. Lawyers, or possibly their impeccably dressed assistants, tell this one during the free consult. They attempt to make you feel safe and secure during a period when nothing feels safe. Usually, it works and you find yourself scrambling to come up with an impossibly high retainer. The goal is not to make the process easy, it is most certainly to make money and lots of it. In reality, if they wanted to make the process easy, they would tell you to sit down with your Ex and try to work through negotiations like grown-ups. Once the lawyers get involved everything gets hard and bitter.

2. “Feel free to call anytime you have a question.”
Well, if people paid me $350 dollars an hour I would make myself available too. Nothing is free with a divorce attorney. You are going to have A LOT of questions. Your attorney will take your call, but they start timing and every minute costs you. That might not seem like a big deal in the beginning but once the monster retainer runs out and you find yourself on hold or directed to voicemail, you are going to be struggling for answers. The internet is riddled with resources. Try doing your own research before you put your attorney on speed dial. It will help.

3. The family court system is objective.”
NO, it is not. Don’t get me wrong, I am not accusing judges of being biased or playing favorites in the courtroom. The bottom line is that money talks. Lawyers are paid to argue. The one with better skill comes out on top. It stands to reason that skilled lawyers cost more. If you can afford to put out more money, your attorney will be better trained in the art of rhetoric and persuasion. Judges, like anyone else, can be persuaded to a particular point of view.

4. You deserve more.”
Once you fall victim to this one, things are going to get out of control in a hurry. You and your ex will start haggling over 1/18 of a retirement package and who is going to pay the credit card bill full of purchases you made back when you thought this was forever. Peace becomes impossible when you start trying to get the financial edge. I’m not arguing for total submission, but don’t forget about the kids in pursuit of an extra dollar.

5. You can win this.”
No, you can’t. Nobody wins in a divorce, you just end up less miserable than the other person. There will always be unanswered questions and nagging doubts that creep into the back of your mind. “You will survive this” would be a better promise.

 — — — — —

For more from Rebecca Gorman, check out her blog, Messy Mom Moments.


Wannabe's are Guest Authors to BLUNTmoms. They might be one-hit wonders, or share a variety of posts with us. They "may" share their names with you, or they might write as "anonymous" but either way, they are sharing their stories and their opinions on our site, and for that we are grateful.


  1. It was great to read this post because you have raised some interesting points here and those are very little known to most of us. They may sounds great to hear but they doesn’t mean the same as they sounds.

  2. A person might require a lawyer to help them through a divorce. He isn’t there to hold your hand per se. Also, he is not emotionally tied to your life, so he will be more able to see the clarity of working out a deal that best fits your needs. Divorce lawyers aren’t there to necessarily comfort you, they are there to help you organize for the future.

  3. It’s really sad to hear that so many people have bad experiences with divorce lawyers. I helped my buddy through his divorce, and his lawyer was great. He got custody of his daughter, and the person that was most frustrating to deal with was actually his ex-wife.

  4. I worked in family law as a Certified Paralegal for nearly a decade. I loved it because most of our clients listened to us, understood the legal advice given was honest, and my attorney’s experience backed it up. One area clients need to remember, this is a divorce from the spouse whose personality, habits, financial abilities will not magically improve because you obtained a divorce. If the spouse was a jerk during your marriage, a divorce won’t change that either. The very best things you can do for your kids, don’t belittle the other parent to the kids or in earshot of them. Child support is icing on the cake, don’t depend on it or insurance. They may or may not come as ordered.

  5. What divorce lawyers say and what they do can be very different outcomes. Although their intentions may be pure the cases can be quite complicated. Nonetheless it is always better to have a dedicated and experienced divorce lawyer in your corner if you find yourself going through the divorce process.

  6. I’m glad you were honest in your article. Like you said, divorce lawyers have their own agenda. That doesn’t mean they won’t help you, it just means they might be a bit more optimistic than the should be. Like you said, your divorce lawyer might say that “you can win this,” but it’s an empty promise since divorces have no winners. Thanks for sharing.

  7. In respects with legitimate counsel and other lawful procedures, it’s generally better to look for the assistance of the best experts.

  8. Hii,

    My friend is currently going through a divorce and has two kids. He’s emotional about the whole thing, which is to be expected, but thanks for your tips on keeping a clear head. After reading this I think a good lawyer, who knows the ins and outs of custody agreements, is exactly what he needs.

    Thomas Wyckoff

  9. This is one of the great article about Divorced, I am totally agree with this article, I think it is informative and helpful post the people, It can also change our thinking and helps to get the better solution of our life. Thanks for sharing this awesome article.

  10. I appreciate your post. Definitely some great tips and advice to keep in mind when going through this experience. you have raised some interesting points here and those are very little known to most of us. I believe that a good lawyer will help you in every way you need that will assure you of good outcome. thanks for sharing this informative article.

  11. Good lawyers attend continuing education and special training programs, which help them stay abreast of developments in their area of law, participate in various discussion panels, and write articles and books

  12. Its any other business but a noble business and misleading will make a lawyer practice degarade.

  13. I absolutely with you. This is a great and valuable post. I have got the benefit to this site. Though this is a small article but here has the whole main point. So, please share more and more this types of article.
    Thank you

  14. Get the best lawyers for your legal needs to assure high probability of success. Regarding your legal concerns and questions, always ask the best of legal firms.

  15. Thanks, Wannabee for sharing this post.
    It is very important to find a right lawyer before taking a step in getting a divorce and attorney should also make their clients feel comfortable so that people can share their problems related the case.

  16. Finding the best-experienced lawyer is most important for your legal needs to assure a higher chance of success in the legal matter. It gives a hope to feel comfortable so that the case can be analyzed perfectly.
    Thank you for sharing the nice information with us from this post.
    Divorce lawyer

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