Ancient religions offer three archetypes for women- the Virgin, the Mother, and the Crone. Now, I didn’t really spend much time in that virgin one. I got knocked up when I was 20. That was a whole different century. Who can even remember that?

Since Nate was born, I have been, heart and soul, day and long nights, all about being a mom. I liked it so much, in fact, that when he was a teenager, I started over again–on purpose. I have three sons: 11, 13 and 30.

Having people say “WOW, you can’t possibly have a 30 year old son!” might actually be the best part of having a 30 year old son.

I was a single mom; then a married, city-mom; now I’m a suburban mom. I’ve been a SAHM, a working mom, even a foster mom. I kind of thought I had this down. I tell my friends parenting isn’t hard– at least not after the first 20 years.

But something happened. Something shifted. Being a mom kind started to feel… lame? Boring? Redundant?

5th grade math for the third time. 30 years of carving pumpkins, decorating cookies, signing 30 valentine’s cards, finding lost library books. Clean your room, put that away, knock it off, settle down, hurry up. I do not even want to consider how many socks I have matched in 30 years. Now I like the kids a ton… but the job? Not so much.

For a while, I felt really guilty.  I just couldn’t make sense of it. Nothing had really changed… changed… change… oh… THE CHANGE.

Welcome to the amazing world of perimenopause motherhood.

Where’s health class when you need it? At least when I went through adolescence, there were filmstrips and my mother reminding me over and over that it was just a stage, that it was normal, and that I was becoming a woman.

This time… I am becoming a CRONE? Really? How appealing. Google says a crone is an old woman who is thin and ugly. Dang. Want a good scare? Go home, check Google images.

Wikipedia is a bit kinder. The Crone is a stock character in folklore and fairy tale: an old woman. In some stories, she is disagreeable, malicious, or sinister in manner, often with magical or supernatural associations that can make her either helpful or obstructing. The Crone is also an archetypal figure, a Wise Woman.

As long as we’re Googling things- I could use some help deal with the war raging inside of me between fertile, earth mother and crotchety old lady crone–knowing full well that the old lady wins every time. Google recommends less sugar, no gluten, avoid caffeine and alcohol, and of course, more exercise. And if that doesn’t work, you can take bio-identical hormones that may or may not give you breast cancer.

My 28 day moon cycle is now ruled by some alien planet that shows up like the cable guy–just when you think it will never come. And the most horrifying thing I learned on Google? This lovely “stage” lasts 3-5 years.

Perimenopause wouldn’t be so bad if it were more consistent. One day I am patient and stable, and life is all sunshine and bunnies. The next day, it is as if you can hear the spooky horror music playing wherever I go. Something very bad is about to happen… be very careful.

Then sunshine and bunnies comes back.

It turns out that since I was about 10 or 12, every decision I have made I made juiced out on estrogen. Fertile hormones are all about connection. They make you care what people think, they make you want people to like you. They support your patience and empathy. Perimenopause is like PMS times 10–sometimes for weeks at a time.

One book calls menopausal women forest-dwellers–women who simply want to retreat to nature, alone with our tea and our books and our shawl and our folklore crone wisdom.

Yeah–I still have two boys to see through adolescence and their own hormonal instability. With this hard earned wisdom, my wild and unpredictable moods, a ton of help from Google, my husband, my friends, and lots and lots of yoga motherhood just offers its next amazing adventure.

 
Maureen Campion has been actively parenting longer than anyone should be allowed to. She is a psychologist who gets paid to tell people how to raise their kids and how to stop being such a pain in the ass with their partners. She writes a weekly newsletter “Notes from a Marriage Geek” and teaches classes and workshops in the Twin Cities.
 
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Wannabe's are Guest Authors to BLUNTmoms. They might be one-hit wonders, or share a variety of posts with us. They "may" share their names with you, or they might write as "anonymous" but either way, they are sharing their stories and their opinions on our site, and for that we are grateful.

1 Comment

  1. Love being a Wannabee Blunt but the photo? Really? Becoming a crone is a beautiful powerful stage for women. We don’t need more evidence to fear and hate our aging process.

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