Of all the holidays we must partake in, I think parents with kids aged newborn to five-year-olds should simply opt-out of Halloween. At the risk of being a massive party pooper, I think that there are some pretty solid reasons to delay celebrating Halloween for as long as possible. Before you run out to buy that baby bumblebee costume, maybe you should consider these:
1. Sacred Sugar: This is a holiday specifically aimed at purchasing and consuming as much refined sugar as possible. That I would even need to explain why this is a bad idea boggles the mind.
2. Sugar again: They can’t (or shouldn’t) eat (bucket loads of) sweets. And based on most mommy blogs I read, we are all trying to lay off the sweets too. So why collect four or five pounds of the stuff only to feel shitty every time you pop a mini-mars or handful of candy corn in your mouth?
3. Costumes: I am not saying babies don’t look cute dressed up as little pumpkins but here’s the thing: babies look cute wrapped up in a dishtowel. Why add to the insane holiday consumerism, waste of natural resources, and potential superfluous spending on a costume you’ll probably use once, maybe twice?
4. Conserve Energy: Save your enthusiasm for when it counts. You are going to have plenty of years to dress the kid up and traipse them from house to house so conserve your energy and costume creativity for a time when they will actually remember it. You will also need energy when they are creating their own costumes, either begging them not to scare the toddlers of parents who didn’t read this post with scary ghoulish masks or begging them not to dress up as the not-so-snow-white turned hooker to the seven dwarves.
5. Tears NOT of joy: Putting aside all of the other arguments, let’s say your neighbor Pinterest-crafted some fruit juice gummies and you inherited a free secondhand costume. And in lieu of ambling around the neighborhood collecting compliments on your darling pumpkinized offspring (where we all know that they are just being polite and really couldn’t care less), you decide to meet up for a healthy-ish playdate with cute friends in costumes to take pictures for Grandma and Grandpa.
Behold the tears and tantrums. People may have looked at me funny for bringing my kid dressed as herself but she was the only one who stayed dry-eyed and smiling throughout the festivities. Meanwhile, little Susie and Samatha, whose parents were insisting on just one picture with the pumpkin or buzzing bee hat, issued blood-curdling screams suitable for a Nightmare on Elm Street.
If you choose to celebrate Halloween with your little one, don’t be surprised if you and your kid are both traumatized by the end of it.
(This post originally ran on The Robot Mommy.)