Oh Miley, Miley, Miley. I been trying to ignore you for weeks, from your creepy performance at the MTV Video Awards to your Twitter feud with Sinead O’Connor. I planned to wait you out until you went away. I certainly didn’t want to weigh in on your skewed interpretation of black culture, your relentless nudity, your desperation to shed your Disney skin.
But you’ve got my attention today. Your totally bizarre “people stop bangin’ at 40” interview with Matt Lauer made my blood boil hotter than a crotch trapped in latex panties. You see, my dear Hannah Montana, I am a woman who is over 40 and my banging days have only just begun. Sit your twerking ass down for a minute and listen carefully to what I have to say. For women, 40 is Year One of the Pussy Odyssey.
In your misguided youth, you believe that you exist soley for male objectification and gratification. Being sexy is for him. Getting him off is your job. You come second, if at all. That all changes, because in your 40s, you are no longer an object but a fully realized luscious creature.
In your 40s sex is bawdy, fun, surprising and deeply satisfying. It is fucking hot. Sex in your 40s can happen with a younger, inexperienced man who will delight in your confidence, skill and openness. Sex in your 40s can be with an older man who has seduced you with his words, his wisdom and his eternal worship of your flesh. Sex in your 40s can be with a woman who is soft, tender and intimate and doesn’t require an audience. Sex in your 40s can even be with a cupcake.
You see, deluded Miley, sexuality is about knowing your body and what it is capable of: the pleasure and pain of childbirth, the transcendence of a single-minded and selfish orgasm. Good sex comes in many forms, at any age: solo sex, sex with multiple partners or sex with the love of your life. Sex is about confidence, passion and occasionally and most rewardingly, love. Good sex is about loving another but most importantly, loving yourself.
That is my wish for you, Miz Cyrus: Love yourself. Value your femininity and power. Know that this is just the beginning of your sexual journey and if you are lucky, it will, like a fine wine or a beautiful woman, only improve with age.