I am in love.
I am divorced.
I am forty-five years old.
And I am never getting married again.
So, stop asking me “Why not?” Stop asking me “When?” Just stop asking me. It’s weird! Ya know that I am getting pressured now as a divorcee in my 40’s. I can remember when I was in my twenties and all my friends started getting married. Dropping like flies…one, by one. The bachelorette parties began, then the showers, then the bridesmaid dresses and then the weddings. Oh, fuck the weddings. I watched as each one of my girlfriends walked down the aisle, all pretty and shiny. And skinny. They were all so fucking skinny. I mean, weren’t we all our skinniest on our wedding days? Shit, I was so thin we had to pin the back of my dress to my bra so it wouldn’t fall down. I was SO happy that night. Happy and anorexic. Everything was perfect…and then the best part…
The I DO.
I do take this man to be my lawfully wedded…omg. STOOPPPP!
Just stop it. I’m starting to sweat. I can’t even go there. Not now. It’s making me shaky. The mere thought of doing that again after doing it once, why? Why would I (or anyone for that matter) want to get married again? I mean, I completely fucked it up the first time! Shit. I remember the pressure I felt back then to do it. Tie the knot. I was the last one of all my friends. And my Mom kept saying,”Jen, when is it your turn?” Then my sister,”OMG Jen, you’re next!” The pressure to get married was almost as awful as the pressure to have babies.
Stop asking me, people. I am in love, so in love. And we are so happy. Just being well, happy. We’ve been dating ten months which is longer than my ex-husband, and I dated before he proposed to me way back when. Funny, right? We are taking it slowly, and enjoying each other. Getting to know one another. No need to “put a ring on it.” Shut it Beyoncé, some of us enjoy our singledom. A ring will not change the way we feel about each other, or make me more faithful. Or him love me more. We trust what we have sans the band.
I am sweating again…just wait.
On New Year’s Eve, like twenty people thought we were getting engaged. OMG, really? The calls, the texts! Y’all, don’t be silly! We both have our kids, my kitchen is closed, and his swimmers are dead. We don’t want to blend families, or mesh households…our kids are going to college soon enough. Why mess up their lives? It’s so not fair to them; to disrupt their routines so we can start “playing house.” But truthfully, we are happy just doing what we are doing. Oh, you think I’m scared? I. Am. Not. I am so not afraid to get hitched.
Ok, I am petrified.
I’m scared that if we get married, it will ruin everything.
What if it ruins what we have? I love what we have; It’s just good and fun. We laugh all the time, and the sex is outstanding. And more importantly, we actually HAVE SEX! Lots and lots of it. You know what happens when you get married? The sex stops. C’mon you know it! When you get married, the sex ends. The good, fun, frequent sex comes to a screeching halt. I’m not risking it, no way…no how.
So, how about this…you stop asking me why I’m not getting married, and I’ll stop asking you why you’re still married, ok? Cause from my end, this unmarried thing is pretty close to perfect. For now, I am fine doing the Kurt and Goldie.