Growing up, I was the epitome of a ‘good girl.’ I abided by social norms, always conforming, at home and in public. The people pleaser, a peace keeper. I loved to keep the status quo. Being a “good girl” meant I was well liked by teachers, parents, boss’s, anyone in an authoritative position. Reinforcement was met with every “good girl” statement I received BUT it was not my identity.
And that is not what I want for my girls… not even in the slightest.
I want them to talk back, respectfully, of course. I want them question why, I want them to speak their mind, break rules, learn. I want them to know they have a voice and to not be afraid to damn well use it… loudly, fiercely and completely unapologetically.
Don’t get me wrong, I want them to be polite, kind, considerate, respectful, caring, empathetic and thoughtful but I do NOT, for one second want them to be “GOOD” girls.
I want them to set boundaries, in friendships, relationships, hell, even with me and our family. I want them to tell me when they think I’m being unreasonable and you’d better believe I’m going to sit down and listen to what they have to say. I want them to know that whilst I’m their mother and ultimately, I have their best interest at heart so what I say will go… they’re ABSOLUTELY entitled to question why, they’re entitled to an opinion and so long as their approach is respectful I will allow it.
I grew up, worked hard in school, got 3 jobs, bought my first car, I even paid for my own braces, I saved hard, got married, had babies and lived the life we were “supposed” to live. It wasn’t until I left my marriage and really put emphasis on learning who I truly was that I finally discovered my voice, my identity and man, was she loud.
I want them to discover themselves far earlier than I did and I want them to know they have my complete and utter support. I want them to know their worth and that their potential is limitless. I want them to embrace their confidence, to learn their strengths AND their weaknesses and to accept both. Then teach them how to harness their strengths accordingly and smash every goal they set out to achieve.
I want them to be wild, free, uninhibited, self assured, loud, messy, fierce, independent and strong. To question authority when it doesn’t sit well with their moral compass. To not be fearful of speaking their mind. To always be honest, stand up for what they believe in and for those whose voice is small. No, I will not be raising “good” girls.
About the author: Breigh Bonner writes about all things motherhood & life that we don’t wanna talk about. Fumbling her way through motherhood, sharing honest, raw & real recounts of the shit-show that is life. Hiding anxiety through humour and fuelled by coffee until it’s acceptable to pour a wine @breighjkelly