Got your attention, right?
Clearly, I have some explaining to do. After being divorced for almost four years, how can one say they’re in love with their Ex? Simple, I am. And actually, I love him more now than I did when we were married! I find him more attractive, sweeter…and a downright pleasure to be around. Oh, for fucksake, pick your mouths up off the floor and hear a girl out!
My Ex is a rock star. But understand, this is not some ploy to find him a woman. He gets enough pussy on his own, trust me. And I don’t need a Mom for my kids either, they have ME! But maybe, all you divorcees arguing over beanbags will read this, and get a glimpse of what a HAPPY divorce can actually look like… when you put your kids first and flush your egos down the shitter.
I love my ex husband. And although we may not have meant to be married, we got two amazing kids out of the deal. So when we decided to pull the plug and get happy…we also chose to DO IT RIGHT! Fuck all the issues and bullshit! It’s about the KIDS. Being happily divorced is just as difficult as being happily married. It takes work! I flat out love my EX….And I’m not ashamed to say it.
He knows that a happy life means a HAPPY EX WIFE!
Our relationship could be put to music really, or maybe theme songs:
Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems. It’s always about the money, isn’t it? And I don’t mean the alimony and child support, y’all. That shit is what it is. LISTEN TO ME! Don’t fight over money, or give it to attorneys! Keep it between you…it should all go to your kids in the end. It’s all the same money! I didn’t get that at first, but my Ex was so good about explaining it, that I started to see it through his perspective. I was scared and nervous. Divorce is terrifying! I had no idea what I was doing after being married for 12 years. Who do I trust? He kept saying, “We need to focus on the boys.” And we did. We used a mediator, and our money stayed OURS.
We are Family. We are still a FAMILY. Just in two different locations. We co-parent. Like REALLY co-parent, we split everything 50/50. And he is a better Dad now than he was when we were married. The boys flipping worship him, because he is engaged 100% when they are with him. Week on, week off. And we have holidays together and eat dinner when we can. We sit together at the boy’s basketball games, and we even took family pictures at our son’s Bar Mitzvah. The FOUR of us. Wanna know why? Because one day, my kid is going to look back at his album and say, “MY parents made the divorce easy… look at my family.”
She Drives Me Crazy. He still deals with my crazy. Sure, he can hang up; I’m not his wife anymore. And most men would. They’d say, “You’re so not my problem.” But not my Ex. He will text back every time. And he still does my taxes and fixes my leaky faucets. He will come over all hours of the night to catch mice. And he still listens when I’m spinning out over the stupidest shit. He’s still my “go-to” when I’m upset about work, or my boyfriend. I was his “crazy wife” and now I’m the “crazy ex.” Ha. Anytime I need him, he’s there. Crazy, huh?
My Boyfriend’s Back. I know how to pick ‘em. I pick losers. They seem to last about a month, maybe two. And my Ex puts up with the aftermath. Ya know, me staying in bed for days, sobbing. Now, he insists on pulling background checks before I say “yes” to dinner. But, I’m finally dating a great guy! So, my Ex and the boys gave him a nickname. “Number 13”. Omg. They named him #13. I asked them why is he #13? My son said, “Duh Mom, he’s like, number 13.” (Nice, huh?)
The Bitch Is Back. Ok, so not only is this song my “ringtone” on my Ex’s phone, but I guess I’m the reason he can’t keep a woman. I kid. I am not the reason! Who wouldn’t want to be with the greatest guy in town? What, because I’m all up in his shit? Puhlease. All y’all should be happy we get along so well. It’s a HUGE red flag when I’m dating a guy, and he starts bashing his ex-wife. C’mon, it’s not like he’s answering my texts during dates anymore. He stopped that years ago. #reallynotreally
So, if you ask my Ex how he feels about me, what would he say? And I quote, “Jennifer, you were hard to be married to but easy to be divorced from.” Ha. A man of many words. I love it, and I love him. And there is not a guy on this planet I’d rather be happily divorced from. And so… they lived Happily Ever After-ish. 😉