Boys going to prom at this high school in Michigan will now be inspected at the door of the dance to ensure their tuxedos are not showing too much hairy ass crack. If found over-exposed, or revealing a bit too much fruit of the loom waste band, the boys will be given modesty diapers to wear over their pants. This covers up any potential for sin, and protects their chastity. Modesty is critical in teens we would all agree.

When questioned on the topic, the private school principal pioneering this idea said “It is just part of our regular dress code for boys who show a little too much skin with droopy pants. We must protect their reputations after all. They are expected to remain virgins and we take that responsibility seriously as you would imagine.”

Why is this idea not taking the country by storm during prom season? With these bright blue high wasted rubber pants, the roving predatory prom girls won’t be tempted by the slouchy fabric of teen boy suits. The boys will also be safe from groping hands and sinful thoughts about their Calvins. Genius really, I mean who wants to allow sin into the heart of 17 year old girls because they are distracted by the curve of boy bum?

We can all be safe in the knowledge that after a wholesome prom night, the boys can be confident that their good name is still in tact, and that nobody will say they looked slutty, or had too much cheek sticking out.

Praise be, we should all make sure the boys are covered up and protected for their own good. Huzzah to this forward thinking, not at all sexist school!

How proud they must be of all the modesty being inflicted on the young.



(Its satire people, but this post shouldn’t be the thing that offends you) 


Magnolia Ripkin

Our Editor-in-Chief Magnolia Ripkin is sort of like your mouthy Aunt who drinks too much and tells you how to run your life, except funny... well mostly funny... like a cold glass of water in the face. She writes a flagrantly offensive blog at Magnolia Ripkin Advice Blog answering pressing questions about business, personal development, parenting, heck even the bedroom isn't safe. She is the Editor in Chief at BluntMoms. Other places to find her: Huffington Post, The Mighty and Modern Loss. You can also check her out in two amazing compendiums of bloggers who are published in “I Just Want To Be Alone.” And most recently, Martinis and Motherhood, Tales of Wonder, Woe and WTF

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