Have you ever prayed into a garbage can for the sweet release of death?
A gastro bug bit me. It is the kind where you’re on the toilet with a bucket between your knees, hoping you’re not going to aspirate your appendix while your anus simultaneously attempts to set a new land speed record for evacuating everything south of your eyeballs.
I never used to get sick like this. Now it appears I get this plague at least once every year.
I blame the kids.
I wonder if I can stick a toothbrush far enough up my nose to remove last week’s meal from my sinuses. I will never, ever, trust a fart while I’m sick again. I need to scour my entire body with an SOS pad. The entire bathroom is a bio-hazard zone that needs to be bleached.
Oh my god, I’ve got vomit chunk post nasal drip.
Why is the kid shouting through the door, asking me to make pancakes?
Why the hell didn’t I tell my spouse to shrink wrap his man meat that one time?
Where the eff is my husband?
No, mommy does not want to play Lego right now.
Why is a grown man bitching about how there’s no cereal and clean underwear?
I don’t know where you put your thing. I don’t even know what thing you’re talking about.
Screw this. I’m going back to bed. You guys will just have to figure how the stove and laundry works. Surely you can cope without me just one day.
Don’t wake me up unless the house is on fire. Or you are.
2 Comments
Poor Mommy! I feel your pain, I had the same bug. Moms should have an immunity to things like this. (FYI: puking all over the ER waiting room floor while laying unconscious in your husband’s lap gets you a room much faster)
This is the worst feeling in the world. I hope your feeling much better.